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Let’s Try To Glass Half Full This Jason Garrett Shit

Sooo, this is what we’re doing, huh? Ok.

*sigh* Here we go.

After ten years of being the head coach of the rival Dallas Cowboys, the New York Giants have hired Jason Garrett as their offensive coordinator. This is tough because we must recognize that whatever feelings we have for Jason Garrett’s head coaching career, being the OC is a completely different level of responsibility.

Sure, in a decade with the Cowboys, Garrett never made it to the Conference Championship game. The divisional round kicked this man’s ass.

By the end of his run, it had become clear that the team was ignoring his message. The 2019 Dallas Cowboys roster had the most former pro bowlers under contract. They did not make the playoffs. Yikes.

I’m going to glass half full this signing because I don’t know enough about the new head coach, Joe Judge, so how can I act like the OC is the problem when the coach was working with punters last season.

In 2016, Garrett won the coach of the year and only has one losing season under his belt in a decade. This isn’t some random bum who stumbled his way into power (like Ben McAdoo). In his 13 seasons in Dallas, Garrett has helped manufacture seven Top 10 offenses.

The Dallas Cowboys were 1st in yards last season. If anything, his weird conservative tiny-dicked decisions on 4th downs cost the Cowboys points and victories but Joe Judge is in charge of those decisions now.

Last season, the Giants ranked 23rd in total yards which is absurd when they have a weapon like Saquon Barkley in the backfield. I still can’t believe Barkley rushed for ONE yard against the New York Jets.

In open space, Saquon Barkley is the most dynamic skill player in the NFL and Pat Shurmur constantly attempted to rush him directly up the middle for gains of no yards.

I’d have to imagine that Garrett is smarter than that. We’re all smarter than that. Especially with that awful Giants offensive line although there’s another offseason to improve that part of the roster but I don’t want to get into Dave Gettleman and his fraudulence. We’d be here all day.

This is a super underrated aspect of this signing but don’t sleep on the power of spite.

Garrett was fired by the Dallas Cowboys and Jerry Jones, his adopted father. He will be standing across the sidelines twice a year with the biggest chip on his shoulder to show his ex what they’re missing. He’s about to show up to Dallas is a low cut top and push-up bra.

Here’s what Joe Judge said about his meetings with Garrett:

“It was a great opportunity to sit there and talk ball and share philosophies and views on the game. It’s a great system he brings with great teaching that will allow our players to go out there and play aggressively.”

I don’t want to get into Joe Judge right now but he keeps attempting to hammer home how ‘tough’ and ‘aggressive’ his team will be which comes off very phony and all-talk. It’s like when a guy talks up his sex game to a girl only to last 14 seconds and embarrass themselves. Please don’t be a one-minute man, Joe.


Since taking over the offensive play calling duties in 2007, Dallas has ranked 2nd in yards per play and 4th in yards per game. Do you see the picture I’m painting here? Jason Garrett is good at offense and is the only real definite heading into 2020 with Dave Gettleman and Joe Judge being the real question marks.

And ANYONE is better than Pat Shurmur.

Challenge, motherfucker.



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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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