— E! News (@enews) January 8, 2018
Let’s goooo. Five years we’ve all been waiting for Lena Dunham to become a free agent again and our wishes have finally be answered. 2018 is the best year ever already. I hope her DMs are open because I’ll be sliding in headfirst. I’m sure I’ll be competing with thousands, if not millions of other guys who have been waiting for her to be single this whole time.
Lena Dunham is the best. I loved when she said that Odell Beckham Jr. ignored her at the Met Gala because she claimed that Odell Beckham didn’t want to fuck her. Then she had to apologize. I loved when she said that she molested her little sister. Then she had to apologize. I loved when she said she wished she had an abortion so that she can know what that feels like. Then she had to apologize.
I loved when Lena Dunham made it very clear that we should believe every woman who says she’s a rape victim and then defends her buddy who is accused of rape by saying that the woman was lying. Then she had to apologize. I loved when she said she was a part of the recent Time’s Up movement before Tessa Thompson made it very clear that Lena was at zero of the meetings and had no involvement at all.
Lena Dunham is the best. I love the way that her skin tone is literally the absence of color. She is a white crayon. I love that she looks like a ghost with self-esteem issues who has come back to haunt everyone who condescendingly asked her ‘another pizza slice, Lena? Really?’
I love the way that her smile looks like a 4-year-old drawing teeth for the first time and it’s such a bad drawing that even the parents don’t have the balls to hang that monstrosity on the refrigerator. I love the way that her tattoos look like they came from a 90’s Mad Magazine and she applied them on with hot water.
She also probably smells like socks.
Ugh, so glad she’s single. You’re all invited to our future wedding.
Thanks for reading. Leave a comment if you’re competing with me for Lena’s heart. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.