Lena Dunham Is Killing Pets at an Alarming Rate

As many of you know, in the last 3 months my heart was stolen by an irascible 13 year old Yorkie named Bowie. After spending a lifetime with my sister @scotlan, her home now contained a baby and another on the way and Bowie’s crotchety old self wouldn’t condone it so she came to live with me, and what started as a tentative guardianship became a full scale obsession. We went to brunch and therapy and the set of a TV show and took at least 5 flights across the US. We laid our heads in a few very chic hotel rooms and walked up and down the river a million miles. She made me feel safe and strong in a sea of change and reminded me that joy needn’t be diminished by a bunch o’ imperfect body parts (she wielded her 3 teeth/3 working legs in style.) My head knew she was 91 in dog years, but my heart felt she was just a sweet baby. On August 13th this sweet baby old mama went to her final home. After a weekend of rapid decline, I knew it was time to let her go so Scotty and I (along with her super model baby Clementine and her wise, cozy husband @mf.goodtimes) came together to bid her farewell. It was peaceful and patient and loving. We laughed and cried like the family that Bowie has made us. Bowie left everyone who saw her, in the street or the airport or the Rite Aid, with a crazy smile. She kept me safe at night, even if it was just from the indistinct shadow of a tank top strewn over a lamp. She made Scotty and my friendship something eternal and deep and boundless. I am so lucky to have been her second mom. I love you Scotty, Clem, JJ and my darling @iolovesyou for capturing it all. Please eat a grilled chicken breast in honor of your second favorite glam rocker today. Meanwhile, I’ll be donating to @seespotrescued in her name, for dogs who don’t have homes and dogs who need new ones.

A post shared by Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) on

Earlier this year, Lena Dunham said goodbye to a pet cat and that was a real shame. RIP her cat. It should be mentioned that she only owned this cat for nine months before it passed away. Yikes.

Now this week, Lena said she lost a pet yorkie. Apparently she only had possession of this dog for only a few months before it randomly passed away suddenly It should be mentioned that the dog was 13-years old. It wasn’t a young pup. Buuuut Lena has lost the benefit of the doubt when it comes to keeping pets alive.

Last year Lena Dunham adopted a dog and then quickly brought the dog back to the animal shelter. She claimed that the dog had so many behavioral issues when she picked it up that trainers couldn’t even correct the dog’s behavior. It’s tough to believe that an animal shelter would allow someone to leave with a dog that was abused so badly that it can’t function especially considering it was functioning just fine at the shelter.

Again, would love to give this young lady the benefit of the doubt but it’s all adding up to look like Lena Dunham should never have another animal in her care ever again. She is a walking pet cemetery.

Maybe it’s her or maybe she’s just cursed. She made a wish on a Monkey Paw to have a successful career and the side effect was that animals in arm’s length of her will die. I don’t know if she’s a bad pet owner or not. All I know is that if she kills one more pet I want her behind bars for life.

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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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