Kristaps Porzingis Used to Rock Cornrows So The New York Knicks are Going Undefeated

After tanking the 2014-2015 NBA Season, the New York Knicks used their Number 4 draft pick to select, Kristaps Porzingis, a (super?)star from Latvia. Too many, this was a huge bust. I mean Latvia isn’t necesarily know for their stellar basketball leagues. Well there is breaking news that changes EVERYTHING.


kristaps porzingis

kristaps porzingis cornrows

Well looks like the Knicks are going undefeated. All questions have been answered. All of the clouds have cleared and there’s nothing but blue skies. Kristaps Porzingis was a STEAL falling to the 4th overall pick.

We all assumed that some 7 foot tall marshmallow from Latvia was going to slink up and down the court and shoot jumpers from 20 feet away and get dunked on 12 times a night but nope.

This motherfucker is HARD. Do you see those cornrows? They like they were done in a prison yard. Porzingis is going to be bodying guys in the paint night after night. Throwing bows and headbutts at anyone in between him and a rebound. With those Allen Iverson braids he might even have a filthy crossover move we don’t even know about.

The reason the Knicks were so bad last year was because they got rid of JR Smith, the resident asshole. Every team needs one. Well meet Kristaps Porzingis. With those cornrows, you know he’s going to be rolling up the thickest blunts at halftime. The New York Knicks have a new blunt roller and a new powerful big man who’s not going to take shit from anyone. I can’t wait to win that NBA Championship. 82-0.



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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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