Kirk Cousins Woke Up And Finally Realized That He’s Trash

In a recent interview with ESPN, Kirk Cousins—who has led a team to the playoffs only once in 6 seasons and proceeded to lose that playoff game— seems to finally have come to terms with the reality of his career.

“I think the next level, really, is all about winning. I’m pretty much a .500 quarterback in my career so far, and I don’t think that’s where you want to be, and that’s not why you are brought in or people or excited about you.

“If I don’t play well, if I don’t have gaudy statistics but we win multiple playoff games this year, the narrative will be I went to the next level. And I may not walk off the field everyday feeling like I did, but if we win, that’s the life of a quarterback is you are at the next level. If I have my best year yet in 2018 but we’re 8-8, I didn’t go to the next level. That’s the reality of it.”

Wow, it’s almost as if wins and losses matter more than the number of yards you compile. Strange. And wait, do you mean to tell me that the quarterback, the one player who has his hands on the ball on every single offensive play of the game, is responsible for those wins and losses??

Shout out to the three ghosts that visited Kirk Cousins over the offseason that made him wake up to realize the error of his ways.

2018 was the best season of his career. He set new highs with a 70.1 completion percentage and 30 passing touchdowns. Oh, and the Vikings went 8-7-1 and didn’t make the playoffs.

The season prior to Kirk Cousins receiving a 3-year $84 million deal, the Vikings went 13-3 and were led by Case Keenum. Case Keenum.

So congrats to the 2019 Minnesota Vikings for giving the highest guaranteed salary in NFL history to a guy who wasn’t aware that winning mattered. I’m sure the guy with the career 34-37-2 record will magically transform into Joe Montana this season.

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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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