Soo Monday night was the 2016 Met Gala which is where celebrities gather to dress up like assholes, apparently. I don’t know what actually happens at this event. I think everyone just sits quality and then donates money but that’s not important. It’s ALL about the red carpet.
I wear many hats and one of those includes fashion, or whatever. The 2016 theme was ‘Manus x Machina: Fashion in the Age of Technology’. I’m not going to pretend what that means. I think it just means that everyone is going to dress up like Tekken characters.
Without further ado, here is King Lester’s Met Gala fashion breakdown:
Demi Lovato looks like a wet chandelier. She always looks damp. I do not understand her middle school slicked back hair. Her scalp is probably always soaking wet.
Sarah Jessica Parker
SJP looks like a prize winning horse. She literally has hooves in this photo. Thanks for rolling out of bed in pajamas and joining us, Sarah. Feel free to stay home next year.
When was the last time you think Lady Gaga dressed comfortably? Like, 2011? She looks like there’s a metal rod in her back keeping her upright. She looks like a malfunctioning Japenses sex android.
Kim Kardashian/Kanye West
Kim Kardashian looks like an extra in the new Snow White and The Hunstman movie. Like she’d be standing right beside Charlize Theron’s character but she doesn’t have a speaking role.
Kanye West is that kind of gay guy you went to high school with but in college, he came out of the closet and now posts super feminine selfies on Facebook every day and you want to unfriend him but you don’t want to be homophobic.
Ladies and gentlemen, your spokesperson for malnutrition…LORDE.
When you wear a dress like that, you’re basically saying to everyone ‘fuck anyone who isn’t me’. Totally respect this move by Zoe Saldana to make sure no one stands too close to her. I mean, that dress is filthy now and 1000% can’t be re-worn ever again but that’s just rich celebrity life.
I feel like there’s something racist about this. I can’t put my finger on this put I feel like I should be offended for some reason.
Mary Kate and Ashley
After finally being freed by their captors, the Olson twins crawled their way to the 2016 Met Gala. They managed to grab the curtains on their way out to cover themselves with. They were able to put on a brave face for the cameras but they are broken inside. Also, I’m pretty sure one isn’t even wearing shoes.
— Shady Music Facts (@musicnews_shade) May 3, 2016
Tits out for the boys. Ass out for the men.
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee for more influential fashion takes.