King Lester’s 50 Biggest Fears

As Deadseriousness continues to grow every single day, I receive my requests to write more personally. Sure, I can make fun of a woman getting trapped in a library or a man getting trapped inside of a newsstand but at some point I have to point the finger at me.

Time to reflect.

Here are King Lester’s 50 biggest fears in no particular order:

1. Quicksand.

2. Being hit in my pretty face.

3. Burning the roof of my mouth.

4. Prostate Cancer.

5. Marriage.

6. Megatron being real and just waiting for the right time to strike.

7. Cops.

8. Quicksand.

9. Seriously, quicksand.

10. Discovering that my holographic Pokemon cards won’t be worth anything.

11. Russia.

12. Movie spoilers.

13. Dying before flying cars exist.

14. Dying in a flying car accident.

15. Children may never get the chance to watch Yogi Bear, Snagglepuss, Huckleberry Hound and Top Cat.

16. Being labeled a ‘blogger’.

17. Someone going through my browsing history.

18. Literally could be a complete stranger. Just can’t afford to have someone go through my browsing history.

19. Sexting the wrong number.

20. Spilling anything.

21. Cutting myself while shaving.

22. I don’t mean my face.

23. The death of Sigourney Weaver.

24. If/when aliens come, we’re going to need her.

25. A Cranberry juice shortage.

26. Vegetables.

27. Sarah Palin’s inevitable presidency.

28.  Being banned from Yankees Stadium.

29. Although I definitely ought to be.

30. The sun burning out.

31. Fucking quicksand.

32. Dragons.

33. Sharks.

34. Goats.

35. Lord Voldemort.

36. Lorde.

37. Quicksand.

38. Seriously, what happens to you when you get sucked into quicksand?

39. Do you just wake up on another planet or some shit?

40. I guess I should get more personal at some so here we go.

41. Waking up one morning and not being funny anymore.

42. Dying before I get to throw out a first pitch at a Major League Baseball game.

43. The possibility that I’m not as attractive as I think I am.

44. Getting zero laughs when I’m on stage.

45. Forgetting all of the lyrics to ‘A Milli’ that I worked so hard to memorize.

46. Stroke.

47. Any two girls I’ve dated becoming best friends.

48. Losing the desire to write.

49. 0 pageviews on Deadseriousness.

50. Quicksand.


See, I’m just like you.


Thnks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee with some of your biggest fears. Walk with me.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

Leave a Reply