Kid That Works At Pizzeria Rubs His Balls On Every Pie

18 year old, Austin Michael Symonds, was caught teabagging a pizza in front of a customer earlier this month. We all have our on sexual turn-ons and fetishes. Some guys lust over chick’s feet and some guys like to rub their balls on pizza. Who are we to judge?


“Symonds also admitted to a police officer in a phone call Sept. 4 he would have given the pizza to the customer if he had not been caught, the warrant said. Symonds said “Probably. “That’s the terrible part,” according to the warrant.”


After dry humping these pizzas, he is still willing to sell them to customers. This kid (who clearly cuts his own hair) should be applauded. He didn’t let his insane sexual desires stop him from completely his job. What else is Symonds supposed to do? Spend all day at home sitting on a Digiorno’s pizza? How is he going to afford these pizzas if he doesn’t have a job? This kid found an occupation in a field that satisfies him both financially and sexually. At the end of the day, isn’t that what we’re all looking for? It sounds like this kid wasn’t arrested for ball slapping pizza pies but out of jealously from all those not lucky enough to work in their field of choice.



Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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