Join Me As I Make Fun of Tomi Lahren’s Lame Halloween Costume With a Brief 1,000 Words

Oh LA get ready to find your safe spaces! What am I? Well if you’re a conservative, I’m American AF. If you’re a lib, I’m “offensive.” Let’s go. #TeamTomi #halloween #MAGA #Merica #makeHalloweenGreatAgain

A post shared by Tomi Lahren (@tomilahren) on

Tomi Lahren is a conservative pundit for Fox News but first and foremost, she is a basic bitch from San Diego who is literally one day younger than me and she’s accomplished more than I ever will in one less day on Earth so I have no choice but to mock her or face the reality of what I just said.

But this isn’t about me, this is about Tomi Lahren’s lazy ass last minute Halloween costume that looks like she came up with the idea about an hour after her sorority sister texted her ‘are you going to Chad’s tonight?’

Tomi Lauren is the poster child for the handouts given to a cute blonde girl who’s down to post bikini pics for the boys old men every now and then. There is no way a producer saw her ‘Black Lives Matters is the same as the Klu Klux Klan’ take and thought ‘wow, this girl’s got a real head on her shoulders’

Her brand is being the voice of ‘millennials’ and calling liberals who might have a problem with her obvious race-baiting, ‘snowflakes’ but unlike the racist female table-setters before her like Ann Coulter and Lauran Ingram who are only pretending to be crazy assholes in order to sell books, I’m not sure Tomi Lasanga understands why she’s even disliked or popular for that matter.

Look at the caption of her Instagram for example:

Well if you’re a conservative, I’m American AF. If you’re a lib, I’m “offensive.”

I’m not sure why she believes liberals would be ‘offended’ by her wearing a wack ass costume. Does she think she’s disliked because she’s ‘too’ American? Because that’s not a thing. I don’t think anyone’s watching her clips angrily like ‘I wish she weren’t so damn Patriotic.’

Whether you’re a conservative or a liberal, it’s safe to say that everyone has a pretty strong love for the United States. Liberals want the freedom to smoke that sweet sweet kush and get abortions without the government regulating their wombs. That’s just as American as shining a gun and talking down to colored folks.

She has built a brand on just being a dumb blonde. Elle Woods singlehandedly busted her ass to breaking through the dumb blonde stereotype and Tomi Lunchmeat is steering into it, seemingly unintentionally.

Here she is almost bragging about not knowing why NFL players are kneeling for the National Anthem:

Most people would be embarrassed to go on television with zero information on the topic they’re about to speak about but that’s Tomi’s comfort zone. “I don’t get why (fill in the blank group of minorities) is behaving this way” and instead of doing the research and finding out that NFL players are kneeling to protest police brutality, she’s proud to say she doesn’t understand.

I’m personally offended by her costume because she’s dressed like every frat guy at any outdoor drinking event from July 1st to July 31st but it’s not a Halloween costume for them. It’s a way of life. It’s like when a peacock shows off its tail except it’s a dirtbag letting everyone know right away that they are a lousy human covered in the American flag head to toe.

I assume she spotted that fanny pack at the local bodega while she was picking up a mega cheap bottle of wine for the pregame when the light bulb lit up over her head. That Eureka moment where she realized she can ‘Make American Great Again’. Brilliant.

“Get ready to find your safe spaces! because I’m coming thru with the worst costume at the party”. There are chicks wearing all black with cat ears from a costume they wore in their childhood who are applying eyeliner to their cheeks to look like whiskers while riding the subway on the way to the Halloween party who are putting more effort and thought into their costume than Tomi Laurenitis did.

Tomi seems like the type of girl who complains about the music at the party but then provides zero suggestions for what to play next. She just wants to be heard but once she has the floor, she has nothing to offer the party.

Tomi Lahren is dressed like the type of girl who went away to college freshman year and her roommate got roofied during sorority rush week and it changed her roommate’s life and then Tomi goes home for Thanksgiving break and she takes her roommates story and pretends like it happened to her so that she gets a bunch of attention and Facebook Likes.

Tomi Lahren is dressed like what I imagine Bill O’Reily’s wife catches him on his iPad jerking off to while she’s cleaning the kitchen.

I guarentee she took her flag cape thing off immediately after that Instagram photo was taken. You ever bring a prop with you out on Halloween? If you go out as a Viking, there is a 1000% chance that you will put your ax down the second someone acknowledges that you’re a Viking. Mission accomplished. Now you can throw that plastic garbage ax in the trash.

The worst part about her shitty Halloween costume is that you know if she didn’t wait for the very last minute and actually had time to prepare, she without a doubt would be in blackface with a fake afro and an Instagram caption that says ‘Black Lives Matter…for the night ;)’ and she’d get a raise at Fox News.


Happy Halloween, Tomi.




Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think this costume is fine and probably isn’t worth 1,000 words of shit talking. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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