johnny manziel

Johnny Manziel Has Officially Changed His Name So How Soon Will He Win a Super Bowl?

Johnny Manziel? I don’t know her.

Johnny Manziel was a wild card. He was an entitled spoiled rich kid that took his privledge for granted and wasted a golden opportnity to play in the National Football League.

He’s the type of kid who gets pulled over by the police and says ‘do you know who my father is?’ or ‘You can’t give me a ticket. My taxes pay your salary’ or ‘It’s a free country, dude’.

Johnny Manziel was an asshole who was kiced out of the Canadian Football League for reasons no one will disclose. The hell did that man do that NO ONE will reveal? Or I should ask, whose wife did he sleep with?

Johnny Manziel hit his girlfriend so hard that her eardrum erupted. That man was a piece of trash. He joined the AAF and that football league crumbled immediately after which can’t be a coincidence.

JOHN Manziel, however, wears a suit and tie to work. His wife packs his lunch. He has a loving family and a big green lawn. He drives a ’98 Toyota Camry and he shops for slacks at Chico’s with coupons of course.

John Manziel reads the trades in the morning with a hot cup of joe. He’s in bed by 9pm and wakes up with the sun. The only woman he’s ever had sex with is his loving wife and he is the coach of his daughter’s little league soccer team.

John Manziel is about to return to the NFL and win 10 straight MVP trophies, babyyyy. COMEBACK SZN.

Feel Smarter, Have a Laugh and Subscribe To Start Your Day Off With The Deadseriousness Newsletter Directly in Your Inbox

Thank Me Later.


Written by TheLesterLee

Creator and King of Deadseriousness. Writer of all things pop culture. Jerk.

E-mail to talk to the king directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

nancy pelosi aoc

Nancy Pelosi Taking Shots At AOC For Having A Lot of Twitter Followers is Exactly Why The Democrats Are Currently Losing

2019 wnba draft

Deadseriousness 2019 WNBA Draft Guide