joakim noah memphis grizzlies

Joakim Noah Signs 1-Year Deal With Memphis Grizzlies and I’ve Never Rooted For Someone To Fail More

What Happened?


The Memphis Grizzlies are bringing in the man who is currently destroying the New York Knicks cap room after the Knicks were forced to waive him and stretch his contract out. He is joining a Memphis team that is surprisingly competing at the top of the Western Conference again but now that they’ve signed Noah, that’s probably all going downhill.

A lot of people may exclusively blame Phil Jackson for giving Joakim Noah that massive contract when Noah was aging and his skills were depleting and people will tell me not to blame Noah for securing the bag.

Let me just say, everyone should be millionaires. Everyone get your money.

I don’t hate Joakim Noah for getting paid.

I hate Joakim Noah for arriving in New York and deciding ‘I’m done being good at basketball’. The man couldn’t get up and down the floor. It’s like he was running in mud. Joakim Noah couldn’t jump off the ground for rebounds. He lost all athletism and all of his effort was gone as well.

He suffered a shoulder injury. Then he was suspended for failing a drug test. Then he was kicked off the team after trying to fight Jeff Hornacek.

This is infuriating.

I swear, if Joakim Noah shows up to Memphis and just suddenly remembers that he won the Defensive Player of the Year, I’m going to burn Tennesee to the ground. If I look on Twitter and see that he’s scored 18 points with 12 rebounds and 3 blocks, I’m going after his knees like Nancy Kerrigan.

But can Joakim Noah actually help the Memphis Grizzlies?

Joakim Noah can help the Grizzlies stagger minutes between Marc Gasol and Jaren Jackson Jr. One of their top big men can be on the floor at all times. Plus, they can continue to work around the perimeter offensively while Noah occupies the paint and hopefully, snatches up offensive rebounds.

But what will actually happen is that Joakim Noah and Chandler Parsons (Yes, Chandler Parson is still on the Grizzlies) will slide in IG models DMs and continue to fake injuries while they spend their heist money flying out thots to Memphis.

I hate you, Joakim.


Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you are joining me in Joakim Noah hate. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.

Leave a Reply


Written by TheLesterLee

Creator and King of Deadseriousness. Writer of all things pop culture. Jerk.

E-mail to talk to the king directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

dwight howard butt surgery

Dwight Howard Needs Butt Surgery

reuben foster

Why Do Athletes Named After Sandwiches Keep Getting Arrested?