derek fisher lauren sanchez

Jeff Bezos’s Sidechick Lauren Sanchez Used To Bang Derek Fisher So This Woman 1000% Has Cooties

Jeff Bezos’ lover Lauren Sanchez had an on-again-off-again romance with former LA Lakers star Derek Fisher, sources exclusively told Page Six, after she split from her NFL-star fiancé Anthony Miller.

A source told us: “Lauren was with Derek Fisher for a while [after] things went south with Anthony Miller. Then she traded up to ‘NYPD Blue’ star Henry Simmons, and they were engaged. Then she was getting married to Patrick Whitesell.” (NY Post)

The details that continue to leak out of Jeff Bezos’s messy affair continue to be more and more hilarious. First, texts were released to reveal that he is a WILD boy with zero game that just wanted to ‘smell’ Lauren Sanchez.

Now, it’s being revealed that Lauren Sanchez was out here humping everyoneeee. Yikes. Jeff Bezos is the richest man on planet Earth and he fell in love with Derek Fishers’s sloppy seconds. This might be the first old rich white man I’ve ever felt sorry for.

Derek Fisher was banging his former teammates wife behind his back while he was the head coach of the New York Knicks. That’s why the Knicks were so bad during the Fisher era. All opposing teams had to do to beat the Knicks is seat a player’s wife courtside and Fisher would be asking for her number instead of watching the game.

Lauren Sanchez has been engaged twice in the past few years which means Derek Fisher again, slept with someone’s future wife. There is nothing Derek Fisher cares less about then the union of marriage. Whenever he walks into a room, the first thing he looks for is wedding rings.

And Jeff Bezos is out here throwing $60 BILLION away in a divorce because he ‘fell in love’ with a chick that banged the backup point guard of the 2012 Oklahoma City Thunder. Bezos is out here eating from the trash like ‘oh my god, this is the best meal I’ve ever had’.

This is what happens when you’re a weird looking dork your whole life and then you become rich and suddenly girls that look like Lauren Sanchez start touching your wee wee for the first time and you think it’s love.

Meanwhile, Lauren Sanchez is ignoring your creepy texts because she’s waiting for a random NFL player to send her $1,000 on cash app for a photo of her butthole.

Can’t wait until Lauren Sanchez tricks this guy into marriage only to take the rest of that sweet sweet Amazon cash while she spends her wedding night with like, Gilbert Arenas.

Jeff Bezos has cooties now.

sidenote: you’re allowed to sleep with who you want and with as many people as you want. Everyone hump everyone. Just not Derek Fisher. That’s how you get cooties.

 

 

Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Lauren Sanchez 1000% has cooties. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Follow on Instagram so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.

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TheLesterLee

Written by TheLesterLee

Creator and King of Deadseriousness. Writer of all things pop culture. Jerk.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk to the king directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.


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