Jeff Bezos used to just be the
On Thursday, the founder of one of the biggest tech companies in the world and a man worth a cool $140 billion, Jeff Bezos, jumped up on the internet’s soapbox (aka Medium) to say that “top people” at AMI, the parent company of the National Enquirer, were threatening to leak nude photos of him. The post was enticingly titled “No thank you, Mr. Pecker” (in reference to the head of AMI David Pecker, and not what the internet was internally screaming at — the thought of mogul nudes).
Not only that, Bezos reprinted the alleged email containing the threats, detailing exactly which photos were out in the wild and the various states of undress they displayed. (Cnet)
National Inquirer tried to extort Jeff Bezos by threatening to leak the nudes he sent to his side chick Lauren Sanchez, and Bezos jumped off the top rope like ‘don’t worry about posting my dick pics, I’ll do it myself, you cowards’.
So now the richest man in America is at war with the tabloid magazines. I wonder who’s going to win this one? Bezos can buy AMI and sell its parts in an Amazon flash sale. Ya boy is about to buy an 8-pack of V-necks,
Normally, I’m not rooting for a billionaire oligarch to wipe out a media company considering, um, that’s kind of my lane, but if it means that I can go stand in a checkout lane at the local grocery store without seeing the headline ‘Angelina Jolie is now eating NICKELS after her brutal divorce with Brad Pitt’ then go in, Jeff.
Plus, if those shitty magazines disappear then those eyes have to come somewhere. Welcome to Deadseriousness, mouthbreathers.
This might be the best adultery ever.
His ex-wife, Mackenzie Tuttle gets BILLIONS in the divorce. Jeff gets to sleep with a woman that is way out of his league (for now before she gets a billion and dips out) and National Inquirer and David Pecker, the media company that helped Donald Trump silence the women accusing him of affairs gets obliterated then yea, everybody eats. Go off, Jeff.
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Jeff Bezos’s dick probably looks exactly like Jeff Bezos. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Follow on Instagram so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.