I’ve never been more proud to say that James Harden is my favorite basketball player than I am now knowing that after he drops 40 on Rudy Gobert’s dome, he’s going home to Ashanti warming up his bed. He’s literally living the dream life that I imagine when I was 12. NBA MVP. Ashanti. A beard. 12 year old Lester is screaming with Envy.
Here’s what a source said about the new power couple:
“James Harden put Ashanti up at a Houston hotel, then she sat with his family at the game and he bought her flowers. They are 100% in a relationship.”
James Harden just haaaappens to have his MVP season when he’s humping Ashanti? Interesting coincidence.
If anyone was still trying to figure out who was going to win the NBA Title this year, please remind yourself that James Harden is texting Ashanti before the game and Klay Thompson is texting like, whatever chicks he’s meeting on Christian Mingle.
I’m writing this a day after Harden dropped 41 points in Game 1 against the Utah Jazz. After watching the Jazz beat the brakes off the Oklahoma City Thunder, they seemed like they had a shot at taking a few games in this series against the Rockets but nope. Harden is humping Ashanti and Donovan Mitchell is wearing hoodies that define the word ‘rookie’ for no reason.
Ashanti could never make another song and she’s still one of the most important women in the history of the music industry. This is a huge step up from Harden’s last celebrity bae, Khloe Kardashian, who is now a new mother with a boyfriend that has other girlfriend’s.
Khloe’s last basketball ex smoked crack and overdosed on gas station boner pills at a Las Vegas whore house from a Real HBO series in the mid-2000s. Tristan Thompson, Khloe soon to be ex, doesn’t seem to know how to play basketball and can’t even get on the court in the playoffs.
James Harden not only survived Khloe’s toxic vag side effects but is now with Ashanti and is about to walk away with the MVP trophy. What a time to be alive.
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you’re living vicariously through Harden these days. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.