Every time you turn on your television, there’s James Comey sitting there looking super smug mocking Donald Trump’s tanlines or bad breath or whatever and everyone around him dropping confetti and popping champagne because finally someone is ‘telling it like it is’ about who Trump is as Comey wrote some spicy words in his tell-all book ‘A Higher Loyalty’.
Comey is the former FBI director who was fired by president Trump for investigating the Trump Regime’s weird relationship with Russia and when he got too close, he was let go and replaced by Robert Mueller.
James Comey then decided to write a book about his brief and wonderous life working with Trump and is now on a massive press tour including chatting and giggling with Stephen Colbert on the Late Show.
Anddd I’m off the Comey train.
James Comey ends his interview with Stephen Colbert standing on his soapbox telling everyone to take time from their busy lives to go out there and vote to make a difference. For those that don’t remember, Comey totally FUCKED up the 2016 presidential election by re-opening up the pointless investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails like the week before election day.
After Anthony Weiner’s laptop was seized by the FBI for being a creepy adulterer and potential sexual predator, they found more Hillary emails and ran to Congress like Charlie running through the streets after winning a Golden Ticket to the Chocolate Factory.
Just a reminder: They have never found anything in Hillary’s emails because she’s not a supervillain. She was an old lady who sucked at using computers. And Comey ruined her campaign thus leading to Trump becoming president. This is his fault so I don’t want to hear him put the onus on us for making a better decision with who we elect when he kicked down our front doors the day before the election screaming ‘HILLARYS EMAILS’ like the fucking Kool-Aid man.
Here’s a transcript of Comey’s interview with George Stephanopoulos on ABC News last weekend. Stephanopoulos asked him about his decision to scream from the rooftops about Hillary’s emails and his response was less than satisfying:
JAMES COMEY: I want people to know where the decision came from. That’s between speaking and concealing. It would destroy the Department of Justice and the FBI to conceal that information from the American people.
GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS: That’s the judgment you made. Boy, you seem to be alone in that judgment. You look at previous attorney generals for President Bush, for President Ford, for President Obama, Justice Department officials for President Clinton; they all disagree with you. They say this crossed a line.
JAMES COMEY: Yeah, I’ve— I’ve heard a lot of that. And in fact, all that was put together allegedly to be the reason for my firing. What I would hope is that they would, by reading the book, come with me to October 28th. Come with me, and sit there with me.
GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS: What did it feel like to be James Comey in the last ten days of that campaign after you sent the letter?
JAMES COMEY: It sucked.
Oh, it sucked, James? Did it suck for YOU? Ugh, what an impossible position to be in where you can completely change the minds of swing voters across the country with just the mere mention of Hillary’s emails yet you chose to practically hand the election to Trump even though literally every previous person to hold your job, regardless of political affiliations, said they would’ve sat on that information. IT SUUUUUCKED.
Every few months we look for someone new to stand up against Trump. Early on we saw Melania Trump slap Donald’s hand away as they were walking towards Air Force One and everyone was like ‘yasss queen, lead the resistance’. But no. Melania knows exactly what she signed up for. She’s not on our side. When Donald called pretty much every country that had brown people in it ‘shithole countries’ I guarantee Melania, the Slovich model allowed in this country for no reason other than the fact that she is a white, was like ‘yes, they are brown and dirty. Thank you, husband, that I love’.
Sean Spicer was fired and treated like a superstar. He too went on Stephen Colbert’s show and they joked and had the time of their lives. Hahaha wasn’t it sooo funny how you lied and intentionally mislead both the press and the American people in order to conceal Trump’s actual agenda? That was hilarious, Sean. Let’s bring him out into the Emmys so he can joke about being a spineless coward for a few months.
Now, we’re all treating James Comey like the next hero to step up. We’re literally out here cheering for the fucking FEDS. Comey is the opps. Comey is the type of guy who would smell weed coming out of your hotel room from the hallway and sprint down the stairs to the front desk to narc you out. If you don’t wear your seatbelt, Comey will get your license plate and call the local sheriff. Jaywalking with Comey in sight? I dare you.
Let’s also remember that Comey is a lifelong Republican. He is not in the ‘resistance’. Sure, he told Colbert that he legally wasn’t allowed to vote but if he could, there was a 1000% chance that he was going to vote for Donald Trump regardless.
James Comey is not on our side. He is not a hero. James Comey is an asshole.