It’s 2019 and Dwight Howard is Still the Lamest Human on Planet Earth

In a recent interview at the Howard Manor, Dwight showed the interviewer around his crib including his car collected. Dwight was excited to show off his new purple SUV and then gave an explanation for the all-purple everything:

“I got this purple car because of Thanos, from the Avengers. Yeah, he’s my favorite character. He was able to understand that in order for him to complete his mission, he had to get rid of his emotions, and that’s the hardest thing that we all face.”

There are so many levels to the corniness that I’m literally seething. I might throw my computer in the trash. I don’t want to use the same internet that Dwight Howard uses.

Let’s start broad and work our way in. Dwight Howard bought a purple car because his favorite character is Thanos and he loves that Thanos sacrificed everything to complete his mission.

Thanos’s mission was to acquire the Infinity Stones that way he can alter reality and kill half of all living organisms in the universe so they the people who survived wouldn’t have to worry about running out of resources which is some Dwight Howard ass shit.

Most people, given the ability to alter reality, would just ya know, create more resources for everyone so they wouldn’t run out but nope, Thanos thought it was smarter to just remove the people. Dwight Howard would love some dumb shit like that.

“He had to get rid of his emotions, and that’s the hardest thing that we all face” damn, my man is still feeling that breakup from last year when homie from Atlanta released all of their very gay DMs. You’ll get through it, Dwight. Emotions aren’t all that bad. Your heart will heal.

Dwight Howard bought a purple SUV, of all cars, because he liked a character in a movie. There is a 1000% chance he has that scorpion jacket that Ryan Gosling wore in Drive and loves that he ‘got rid of his emotions’.

Dear Lakers fans, this man is about to cancel out everything LeBron does this season. 0-82 confirmed.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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