It Might Be Time To Start Kink Shaming The Philadelphia 76ers For Being Size Queens

So last season, the Philadelphia 76ers zagged while everyone was zigging. After failing with Markelle Fultz, Philadelphia basically removed all guards from their roster to acquire Tobias Harris and just went all-in on big men.

The Philadelphia 76ers are size queens.

If you’re not 6-foot-6 or taller than don’t even hit them up. No short men. Oh, you’re a size 10 sneaker? Laugh out loud. That’s cute. Maybe drive down to Boston or something.

Now they’ve acquired Al Horford—who spent the last three seasons as the Boston Celtics starting center—to play alongside Joel Embiid, a fellow center.

This is a win-win signing for the Sixers as they get to have their cake and eat it too. They sign the only center outside of maybe Marc Gasol who can shut down Joel Embiid and they get to satisfy their insatiable thirst for big men.

However, this might be getting out of control. While Philly is fapping to Ben Simmons/Al Horford pick n rolls, this team still lacks guards who can create off the dribble and make plays.

Sure, Ben Simmons plays point-forward but he’s not a point guard. Other Eastern Conference point guards like Kyrie Irving and Kemba Walker are going to give Philadelphia fits defensively.

Even after acquiring 6-foot-6 Josh Richardson in that Jimmy Butler sign-and-trade, Philadelphia still doesn’t have an answer for smaller more elusive guards.

The only guards on this roster right now are Zhaire Smith and Shake Milton. They’ve played a combined 26 career NBA games.

For everyone penciling the Sixers into the Eastern Conference Finals should take a step back. Let’s not reward Philadelphia for their sexual obsession with size.

It’s 2019 and we should totally allow them to be proud of their sexual preferences. At the same time, this organization needs to be more inclusive and adopt more of a ‘motion of the ocean’ approach to team building.

JJ Redick, gone. Jimmy Butler, gone. 6-foot-10 Al Horford, in. 6-foot-10 Kyle O’Quinn, in.

Elton Brand, you’re gross, man.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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