Is Outback Steakhouse Working With the Illuminati?

After a tweet reinvigorated the dormant conspiracy theory supposing that Outback Steakhouse was being controlled by a satanic cult due to a collection of their restaurants creating the image of a pentagram, the company released a much-needed public statement on the disturbingly delicious rumor.

“No plans, other than to bring bold steaks and Bloomin’ Onions to our guests!” The statement read.


Denying that you’re in the Illuminati is a claaaaasic Illuminati move. Misdirection 101. Don’t believe the lies. Keep your third eye open. What the fuck is Bloomin’ Onion sauce? Seems like something a cult of devil worshippers created in a cauldron if you think about it.

I’ve been to Outback Steakhouse once and it was the worst date I’ve ever been on. Now I know why. I thought it was because the girl I met on Tinder was 300 pounds heavier than she was in her photos but nope, it was because the Illuminati was watching me.

Fuck Outback Steakhouse.




Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you are 100% sure that Outback Steakhouse is in the Illuminati. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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