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In The Least Suprising News of All Time, Stormy Daniels Described Donald Trump’s Dick ‘Like The Mushroom Character in Mario Kart’

What Happened?

The porn star, whose real name is Stephanie Clifford, goes well below the belt in “Full Disclosure,” a pre-sale copy of which was obtained by The Guardian.

Writing about her alleged tryst with the future president, Daniels says it “may have been the least impressive sex” she’d ever had.

In a blow to his manhood, she describes his genitals in lurid detail, saying his penis is “smaller than average,” but “not freakishly small.”

“He knows he has an unusual penis,” Daniels claims. “It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool…

“I lay there, annoyed that I was getting f–ked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a d–k like the mushroom character in Mario Kart,” she adds in a description of his junk that lit up social media, where users assumed she was referring to Princess Toadstool’s trusty servant Toad.

(NY Post)

 

It’s safe to say that most men would probably prefer their dick be described as the tiniest thing on Earth than what Stormy Daniels just said about Donald Trump. Did you guys really vote for a man with an ‘unusual penis’?

Couldn’t be me. I voted for Hillary and her massive swinging pendulous dick.

There aren’t many Mario Kart characters that you’d want your dick compared to but Toad is the absolute worst one. I’d honestly rather have my dick described as Birdo than Toad. My god. What an awful visual.

Again, I am appalled that you allowed this man to be president. Of course he’s the worst president ever. His dick is ‘smaller than average’.

If I had a Bowser or Donkey Kong dick, I wouldn’t be a writer. I’d be humping Stormy Daniels for those Brazzers checks. I’d settle for like, what, Yoshi? He’s a dragon or something, right? Ultimately, any character outside of Toad. Diddy Kong? Sure. Princess Peach, absolutely.

A lot of bad has happened since Donald Trump took office but this might finally be the smoking gun that leads to his impeachment. We can’t follow a leader with a weird ass mushroom dick. With all the Hitler comparisons, that might be the most appropriate one. You know for a fact Hitler had an ‘unusual penis’.

Kick this man out of the office before he really destroys this country. He’s in the middle of a trade war with China that will surely destroy the nation’s economy while internally, he is going out of his way to empower white supremacists while trapping immigrant children in cages.

Alllll because of his little baby Toad dick. YOU people did this.

 

 

 

Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee with which Mario Kart character best describes your genitals. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.

TheLesterLee

Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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