stormy daniels

I Watched a Stormy Daniels Porn and She is AWFUL

Stormy Daniels is the biggest name in the country after her 60 Minutes interview in which she wasted our time with a boring story about spanking Donald Trump with a magazine that had his face on the cover and being compared to his daughter, Ivanka, moments before they humped.

If you’ve been following the Stormy story this entire time then this new interview provided no new information. She didn’t mention how tiny his dick was or that he only lasted 60 seconds or that he likes a thumb in his butt. All she did was say that sex happened. Cool. Two adults had sex. Whatever.

After watching her sit down with Anderson Cooper, I couldn’t help but think how unattractive she is which obviously doesn’t matter in most cases but we’re talking about a porn star whose entire career is centered around the way she looks so I needed to do some research.

Why is Stormy Daniels so popular?

I searched Pornhub and got zero results. See, Stormy is from the pre-Internet streaming era. In the present day, an actress shoots a 30-minute scene for Brazzers and then some hero downloads it and uploads it to Pornhub before Brazzers deletes it and someone else re-uploads it a month later. The porn cycle never sleeps.

Stormy recorded full length dimly lit VHS films back in the day that are impossible to find. No one is out here uploading 2-hour long feature films so I really had to dig through the crates to find the lost Stormy tapes.

I also wouldn’t be shocked if her lawyers ran through the porn streaming sites to erase everything. Claaaasic supply and demand. The world wants to see Stormy’s butthole and you have to go to her sketchy website powered by Geocities, probably, to purchase that heat directly from her.

But this isn’t my first day deep diving for porn. I know exactly what Gianna Michaels video I want to watch and when it’s not on Pornhub, I rip the Internet open to find it. [Dramatically lowers sunglasses] I always find it.

So let’s actually talk about this video I watched that seemed to have been recorded somewhat recently. Within the last decade for sure.

It sucked.

First of all, she isn’t sexy. Not even a little bit. She was like a robot. A poorly made robot that didn’t seem particularly involved in what she was doing which was indicated by the fact that she remained fully dressed. Only hookers and recently divorced mothers stay fully dressed. She was literally just punching the clock.

Her boobs are weird. Her voice made me uncomfortable. Etcetera.

Most importantly, when it came time for the money shot, she turned her head like she was surprised that the guy would do such a thing to her. That’s so disrespectful. If a girl runs from your semen then she’s probably not your future wife. Stormy Daniels is paid to swim in cum and she jumped out of her skin at the sight of it. She suuuucks.

This was also the first time that I watched porn with no intention to fap. You know how I know Stormy Daniels sucks at porn? BECAUSE THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME THAT I WATCHED PORN WITH NO INTENTION TO FAP.

Donald Trump is the victim here. He probably had the worst sex of his life with this stiff-jawed weirdo.

Get Stormy Daniels out of here.

 

 

Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee to send me Stormy Daniels porn links. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.

TheLesterLee

Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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