Man Buns Are The Greatest Thing To Ever Happen

If you’ve left your house in the past 6 months, then you know that man buns are taking over. If you have yet to encounter the man bun, just go out to a bar this Friday night and you’ll see this phenomenon at the bar wearing his sister’s skinny jeans with thick framed glasses that have no actual lenses, and a scrunchy in his hair while slowly sipping on craft beer.

It’s an epidemic. It’s so out of control that a college has banned man buns on campus. BYU claims that the look is too extreme.

“As part of the dress and grooming code, we commit to avoid extreme hairstyles,” Kevin Miyasaki, the student services and activities vice president told The Scroll. “A ‘man-bun’ would be considered not consistent with this standard.”

The man bun might actually be the least extreme thing a guy can do, and quite frankly, I think man buns are being discriminated against. People with man buns are being turned into outlaws and outcasts now, and it’s completely unjustified. I am #TeamManBun.

Man buns are under attack from all sides. Even doctors are coming out of the woodwork now to bash this hair/life style.

Dermatologists say the hairstyle could lead to hair loss.

“That longstanding pull or traction on the hair can pull the hair out and ultimately lead to permanent scarring, which is something we call traction alopecia,” said Dr. Doris Day, a New York City-based dermatologist.

The anti-man bun lobbyists clearly hired some shitty doctor to help validate their agenda. I don’t buy it. Someone has to step up and protect this new minority group in America, and I guess it has to be me.

I’m sooo pro man bun. I’m all for it. The moment I saw a man bun reveal itself for the first time, I was fully on board. When most people roll their eyes and complain when they see a guy sporting a man bun, I get excited. In fact, it’s one of my favorite things to see when I go out.

Whenever you see a man bun, it’s an instant indicator that they’re a total loser. It’s an immediate signal that the human being standing in front of you is lame is shit. If you leave your house with a man bun, then you’re basically yelling out to everyone, “Don’t speak to me, for I have nothing interesting to say and no real personality. I’m not cool. Never have been, never will be.”

When I walk into a room, I instantly assume I’m better than everyone, but when there’s a guy with a man bun, I don’t need to assume. It’s already fact at that point. Man buns are crucial in gauging who around you is a complete asshole. Before man buns existed, you were forced to have conversations with these wack dudes only to find out that you just wasted your time talking to a fool. Now you can just see these wack people and turn the other way.

If you’re talking to a girl and a guy with a man bun tries to swoop in and take her from you, you now have nothing to worry about. You’re not going to lose a girl to a guy who deserves to be shoved in a locker. And if you do a lose a girl to a guy with a man bun, then you know that girl is a loser as well. It’s a win/win.

You show up to an important job interview and see the other guy competing for the job has a man bun… Breathe a sigh of relief knowing that that guy is in no way going to get the job over you. He could be 1,000 times more qualified than you, and you still know you’ve got the job because Man Bun Guy is going to walk in there and start talking about his flannel collection or his homemade hummus recipe and blow it.

I think two examples are plenty. The point: Man buns are the best thing to ever happen. My self esteem has sky rocketed since this craze began, and every time another follower joins in, my social stock rises. So, if you’re currently rocking a man bun as you read this, keep it going. Throw a second scrunchy in there! Stand tall! You’re making the world a better place to live. Salud.

 

Edited by Morgan Mandriota.

TheLesterLee

Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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