Growing up, Aubrey Huff was my sworn enemy. He played 7 years in Tampa Bay and 3 years in Baltimore just beating the hell out of the New York Yankees as if the Yankees killed his dog and Huff went full John Wick on The Bronx.
In 128 career games against the Yankees, Huff hit 18 homers and 95 RBIs with a .810 OPS. He’d be a Silver Slugger every year if he played a full 162 game schedule exclusively against the Yankees.
So I feel like a proud father knowing that the rest of the world can join me in my Aubrey Huff hate. I’ll teach you how to shave, my sons. I knew this day would come. Here is a box of 128 condoms. Be safe at prom.
In 2010, Huff was a member of the World Series winning San Francisco Giants and when the Giants celebrate their 10 year championship anniversary this season, Aubrey Huff will not be invited to the event.
Here’s what the Giants said regarding Huff:
“Earlier this month, we reached out to Aubrey Huff to let him know that he will not be included in the upcoming 2010 World Series Championship reunion. Aubrey has made multiple comments on social media that are unacceptable and run counter to the values of our organization. While we appreciate the many contributions that Aubrey made to the 2010 championship season, we stand by our decision.”
Laugh out loud.
Huff was a good ball player or whatever. He finished 7th in MVP voting during that Giants 2010 championship season. But his new fame arrived in the last year or so when he’s decided to turn his Twitter account into a shrine to alt-right white nationalist insanity. As one does.
His Twitter bio has an American flag emoji and says ‘support toxic masculinity’. Take that libs! Political correctness doesn’t live here. Finally, Aubrey is here to tell it like it is.
I am about to venture down Huff’s Twitter page now. If this article never sees the light of day it’s because I ran out to purchase an assault rifle to defend my dumb ass trophy wife in case the socialist kick my front door in and cuck me while speaking languages that white ancestors died attempting to eliminate.
I’ve made it through the crucible and I’ve become disillusioned with mundane daily procedures. I’ve been calloused by my travels through the elephant graveyard that is Aubrey Huff tweets. My demons have actualized.
I’ll recap: (ugly) women are bad. Minorities are bad. Guns are good. Women with exposed hip bones and C cups are good.
Last month, Huff received the most heat after suggesting that we kidnap and then proceed to rape Iranian women. A+ comedy, Aubrey. Drop nukes on Iran but first, steal the hot chicks.
Getting my boys trained up on how to use a gun in the unlikely event @BernieSanders beats @realDonaldTrump in 2020. In which case knowing how to effectively use a gun under socialism will be a must. By the way most the head shots were theirs. @NRA @WatchChad #2ndAmendment pic.twitter.com/6xUsS7ciX3
— Aubrey Huff (@aubrey_huff) November 26, 2019
Is there anyone on this planet with a dick bigger than Aubrey Huff’s?
Most recently, Huff has gone after the San Francisco Giants for hiring Alyssa Hakken, the first full-time female Major League Baseball coach who will be wearing full uniform with the rest of the managers who should not be wearing full uniforms anymore.
If you can imagine, Aubrey had some wildly misogynistic bullshit to say about this hiring.
At the end of the day, Aubrey Huff and men who think like Aubrey Huff, fear that brown people and women are taking what’s theirs. By continuing to alienate himself by hammering home his own juvenile sense of masculinity, he forced the Giants to remove him from their World Series anniversary.
The only real contribution that Aubrey Huff has provided to this world was that 2010 championship run and now he’s being erased from that season as if Thanos snapped his fingers. By choosing to hate rappers who sag their pants and defending Trump’s covfefe typo, he’s inadvertently destroyed his only meaningful legacy.
Lol at Aubrey Huff.
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