There’s a lot of Hollywood castles being stormed these days as it appears every man is a creepy sexual predator and no woman is safe alone with anyone which has always been true but now it’s no longer a known secret and instead it’s on the front page of every magazine that you don’t read because who the fuck is still reading magazines?
Whether it’s Louis CK fapping in front of any woman that makes eye contact with him or it’s Kevin Spacey crawling into bed with sleeping boys, there is absolute chaos in the streets. Matt Lauer had a button in his desk that locks the door of his office from the inside so he can grope chicks in PRIVATE.
Somehow, Jerry Seinfeld, who publicly dated a little girl, has yet to be brought up.
In 1993, Seinfeld had the biggest comedy on television, it was called Seinfeld, believe it or not. He was one of the most beloved television stars on the planet andddd he picked up a high school senior in Central Park ya know, like a sexual predator would do.
The worst part is that Seinfeld 1000% knew he was being a dirtbag. When he was confronted on the Howard Stern show his response was ‘She’s definitely not 17’ because she had recently turned 18 but like, he was still 40 years old and she was still a high schooler who wasn’t even old enough to understand half of the dating problems on the show Seinfeld.
Yo, imagine going to ball in the Upper West Side and you see Jerry from your older cousin’s favorite TV show is out here making out with Shoshanna from Social Studies class.
Here’s a quote from that article in which Jerry attempts to explain this creepy shit:
“I am not an idiot,” says the comic. “Shoshanna is a person, not an age. She is extremely bright. She’s funny, sharp, very alert. We just get along. You can hear the click.”
Yup, she is a person. Who happens to have an age. Which is TEEN-age.
Jerry Seinfeld was 25 when Woody Allen’s Manhattan came out which is a movie where Woody plays a famous TV writer that dates a teenage girl. Shoshanana Lonstein was 4 when that movie about her life came out.
Jerry almost married this little girl. When I was 20, the last thing on planet Earth that I wanted to do was marry my 18 year old girlfriend and I’m sure the feeling was mutual. Jerry was out here trying to lock down a girl who wasn’t old enough to watch him perform at a bar.
Look, you know my motto. Dating. Is. Hard. One girl wants you to pop a finger in her butt and the next girl will physically throw you out of her home for going anywhere near that hole. It’s rough out here.
But I urge everyone to keep trying. Keep putting that effort in. Don’t morph into a creepy pedophile walking around Central Park looking for girls that just walked off a yellow school bus.
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Jerry Seinfeld is a creepy dude. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.