michael cohen

Happy Hour News Shot: Michael Cohen is Doing Push Ups in Prison and Theresa May Is Really Out Here Still Trying To Do This Brexit Shit

Tonight’s Happy Hour News Shot we have, Michael Cohen heading to prison, Odell Beckham is a weenie and Theresa May is in power by default.

1. Michael Cohen Sentenced To 3 Years in Prison.

HAHAAHAHAHAH.

2. Lamar Jackson Named Baltimore Ravens Starting Quarterback.

Baltimore is officially our team. Also the Houston Texans. Also the Buffalo Bills. Shout out Josh Allen. Stay black, Josh.

3. Theresa May Stays in Office…For Whatever Reason.

Theresa May won a vote to stay in office even though no one really wants Brexit to happen but shrug, I guess.

4. Decatur Tennesee Is Being Hit By Earthquakes Left and Right.

Earthquakes in Tennesee? *whispers* Climate Change.

5. Tampa Bay Rays Signs Charlie Morton To 2-Year $30 Million Deal.

Last season the Rays had only one starting pitcher and he won the Cy Young. Charlie Morton is about to be the best pitcher we’ve ever seen.

6. New Orleans Saints Cut Brandon Marshall.

Statistically, Brandon Marshall is the best wide receiver to have never won a playoff game. That continues.

7. Leonardo DiCaprio Forced To Give Back Oscar.

And to think he let that bear hump him for no reason.

8. Odell Beckham Looks Like a Weenie.

As ODB’s unofficially marketing assistant, the fuck are you doing?

9. Joel McHale Cast as Starman in ‘Stargirl’ DC Series.

Based off everything I’ve seen from DC’s Teen Titans show…I’m not watching Stargirl. Not a single second of it.

10. Nicki Minaj is Suing Jesse Palmer.

Nicki Minaj is an asshole. That is all.

Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Michael Cohen has already joined a white supremacy group in prison. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.

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TheLesterLee

Written by TheLesterLee

Creator and King of Deadseriousness. Writer of all things pop culture. Jerk.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk to the king directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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