Get Your Dumb Ugly Fat Wife a Peloton Bike For Christmas

My wife used to be hot before our kids were born. She’s gone from being 110 pounds to 118 and I can’t get her lazy (and quickly growing) ass to the gym to get back in shape for not only me but for her own health.

And then I saw that Peloton bike ad and realized the perfect gift for my enormous wife. The Gift That Gives Back.

Plus, a stationary bike is better for the whole family. Now she can ride in the living room while still taking care of our kids and having dinner ready for me when I get home from work. And she doesn’t have to be out in public riding a bike allowing other men to stare at MY wife.

And it only costs $2,245 to embarrass your wife and let her know it’s time for her to get some cardio in. No price is too high for your life partner.

Not sure why the ad for the Peloton bike has 21k down votes on Youtube. Must be a bunch of poors that can’t afford the $58/month to get your wife back in shape. Trust me, it’s worth the investment.

Not sure why the company has reportedly lost $49 million in the first quarter of 2020 and their stock value is plummeting after the release of this brilliant commercial. But I don’t understand the stock market. I trust the geniuses behind that perfect commercial. I might buy some shares myself. Let Peloton pay ME for my wife’s bike.

Here’s what the Peloton PR team said about the apparent backlash:

“We constantly hear from our members how their lives have been meaningfully and positively impacted after purchasing or being gifted a Peloton Bike or Tread, often in ways that surprise them. Our holiday spot was created to celebrate that fitness and wellness journey. While we’re disappointed in how some have misinterpreted this commercial, we are encouraged by — and grateful for — the outpouring of support we’ve received from those who understand what we were trying to communicate.”

I still don’t understand how people could have misinterpreted this commercial. A man gave his humungous out of shape wife a workout bike and she’s grateful for the opportunity to get hot for him. Where’s the problem?

I totally agree with this woman Heather. And based on her profile picture, she can definitely use a Tour de France level of miles on her new Christmas Peloton. Hopefully her husband gives her this perfect gift.

Every man should give your girl a stationary bicycle for Christmas.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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