After a decade of speculation of who will sit on the Iron Throne, we finally have our answer and it sucks.
I suppose we should start with the not-so-subtle Hitler rally Daenerys has at the beginning as she prepares her army for global domination(?) Turning Daenerys into a power-hungry sociopath would’ve been cool had it not seemingly happened overnight but that’s a conversation for another day.
It’s pretty remarkable how many Dothraki survived that Battle of Winterfell considering that fight started with them running full speed into a WALL of zombies only for Jorah and a few stray horses to ride back bloodied up.
Nope, they were all fine. If anything, the Targaryen army somehow looked even bigger post-back to back battles.
Daenerys, who will light someone’s ass on fire if they park too close to her car, for some reason called Tyrion out for treason, like, multiple times and instead of immediately executing him, just locked him in an old office to think about what he did.
It’s almost as if these characters are wildly inconsistent and all of their actions are totally random and exist simply to hit predetermined plot points.
But none of that matters anymore because Dany is dead as hell now in a scene that probably should’ve been more powerful but Emilia Clarke and Kit Harrington had the chemistry of two next-door neighbors that wave to each other when they drive past but don’t actually know each other’s names and don’t care to find out.
Shout out to Drogon though for rushing in the moment his mom got murked and then burning the Iron Throne to the ground. You really have to respect his flair for the dramatic and his appreciation of symbolism.
Personally, I would’ve burned the man who stabbed my mom but it’s definitely more important for the show to burn the throne and ‘break the wall’.
Until you jump to the very next scene and all of the lords come together to immediately rebuild that wheel and appoint a new king.
Real quick, in what reality would Greyworm, a man who dedicated his life to Daenerys and a man we just saw cutting prisoner’s throats, not rip Tyrion in half and chop Jon Snow’s head off? Why in the world is he respecting the jurisdiction of lords that he came to Westeros with Khaleesi to destroy?
Tyrion, a man is currently wearing shackles, just decided who the king was and everyone was like ‘you’re right, former hand of the queen who committed genocide last week. Let’s follow what you say and not question you at all, man who is currently being held captive’.
Really thought I’d have more positive things to say. Um, let me try.
It’s dope that the showrunners don’t seem to give a fuck about anything. That’s fun.
When you can have a character say ‘I’m not a Stark. I’m not Bran. I’m the Three-Eyed Raven. I don’t want to be king’ and then in the SAME season have him get appointed king and say ‘bitch, of course I’m king. Why do you think I rolled my ass down here. Fuck you, pay me’.
I want to fight someone after watching this.
I can only imagine the frustrations of the book readers who have been riding this Jon Snow is secretly a Targaryen wave in GoT message boards for decades only for it to be introduced into the show and immediately forgotten about.
Perhaps Samwell Tarley could’ve stood up and told everyone that Jon was the rightful heir to the throne but instead the show decided to dunk on the concept of democracy again, the wheel is very much intact.
Strange move to show how absolutely ineffective the monarchy has been for the Seven Kingdoms only to instantly shit on the idea that democracy could ever work and hop right back in bed with the monarchy.
What the fuck did I watch?
And real quick, how was Sansa able to say that the North is an independent nation and no one else joined in? After everything Yara Greyjoy has been through, why would she want to be involved in all this madness?
They deadass didn’t give the prince from Dorne any lines. What exactly does he gain from participating in the politics of King’s Landing?
They said ‘break the wheel’ infinity times and the show ended the way it began.
Can SOMEONE acknowledge that Arya saved the world from death? No? She’s just going to sail to the America’s?
What about anything she’s ever done makes us believe that her character would simply sail off into the distance?
I would say that there should’ve been at least one line of dialogue that explains Arya’s motives here but every time this season they’ve added a line of explanatory dialogue, I’ve been pissed.
They say that Jon has to be sent to the Night’s Watch or the people of King’s Landing would be divided. 1. No they wouldn’t. 2. who cares?
A woman flew from the sky and burned everyone alive. Those people are going to hate the man that saved them from her? Who would be upset by Jon getting his freedom? The Unsullied? The same Unsullied that sailed off to All Dudes Without Dicks Island and won’t even be in King’s Landing?
What a dumb show.
What I Needed More Of
Would’ve loved so more Daenerys tyranny. Burn this whole shit down. In the finale, we learned that Drogon was completely cognisant of the fact that absolute power corrupts absolutely. He would’ve had Sam’s back in the democracy talks later.
Also, I quite literally needed more rocks on top of the Lannisters. Tyrion being able to walk down there and see Jaime’s gold hand under like, two rocks, was wild.
Who Won the Game of Thrones?
Fucking Bran, I guess. What a bad ending. “Break The Wheel”. Blow me. Still can’t believe the ‘Longest Night’ ended in like, 3 hours and no one was hurt except Theon.
For anyone suggesting this show to a friend. Tell them it ends after Jon gets killed. The rest is all a Davos dream sequence.