If you liked last week’s episode that spent more time with characters flirting with one another than actually preparing for the war that could potentially end the world, then you must’ve LOVED episode 2 where 99% of the episode was dedicated to flirting and 1% was about the White Walkers.
I’ve been complaining about the writing since last season and I won’t stand on that soapbox today. This was clearly a farewell episode to some of our favorite secondary and tertiary characters so we’ll allow what could have been a really beautiful scene between Arya and The Hound to be interrupted by Beric Dondarrion stumbling in to remind the viewers that he exists.
We’ll also pretend like there’s only ONE fire burning in all of Winterfell that Brienne, Podrick, Davos, Jaime, Tyrion and Tormund all need to sit in front of together thus stripping us of potentially intimate moments between characters who have been building relationships for years and will possibly never see each other so that we can hear the story of that time Tormund sucked a Giant’s tits for Super Soldier Serum.
It’s fine. Everyone is about to die an extremely brutal death so we’ll allow the random comic relief.
But it wouldn’t be the end of the world if you didn’t demand the nearest hot guy to rearrange your guts.
Arya Stark has the worst game of all time. First of all, you never ask someone their body count. You’re never going to like the answer you hear back. It could be 100 people or they could be a virgin. Either way, it’s the wrong answer.
That’s dating 101.
But Arya was quickly done with those reindeer games and straight up demanded the dick. Totally cool. Respect respect.
Problem is, Arya looks like she’s 13 years old and I feel like the FBI is going to kick my door down any minute for watching child porn.
Read the room, Game of Thrones. NO ONE wanted to see that little girl naked. Even Gendry looked shocked. She’s allowed to have sex. But let’s uh, skip past the disrobing.
But before we get to who won the episode, we need to have a very important conversation about Daenerys Targaryen.
The season 8 premiere did something with Daenerys and that tipped the show’s hand a bit.
Khaleesi was the star of Game of Thrones For as much as we saw Jon rise through the ranks of the Night’s Watch, we saw just as much time dedicated to Daenerys taking over Essos. In fact, we spent way more time with Dany’s journey.
So it was strange for the Season 8 premiere to turn her into a secondary character and by that I mean, in the few scenes she appeared in, her only purpose was to advance Jon’s story. Not her own.
In the one scene she appeared in without Jon by her side, it was a conversation with Sam that was used as a catalyst for Sam to go tell Jon that Daenerys isn’t the rightful queen and that she’s a big meanie.
There were no scenes where we learned more about HER thoughts and motivations. She was simply Jon’s girlfriend.
This episode gave us those scenes of Dany getting council from Jorah and having a private talk with Sansa but what made all of Daenerys’s scenes in this episode stand out was the fact that she took nonstop L’s.
First her decision on Jaime Lannister was undermined by Sansa. Then her cute little girls talk with Sansa ended abruptly with Sansa reminding her that they aren’t cool and she is still very much a threat oh, and her entire life mission of taking back the Iron Throne is suddenly meaningless because the throne belongs to Jon Snow.
Season 7 alluded to a possible death for Dany with Tyrion bothering her about a succession plan and we even saw the Night King almost put an ice javelin through her.
Now that everything has been stripped from her and she seems to be demoted to a background character, Game of Thrones might be ready to completely pull the plug on homegirl. I’m upset writing this. KHALEESI. RIP.
What I Needed More Of
Quickly adding this new segment into these weekly reviews because with only 4 episodes remaining, Game of Thrones is cutting off a lot of the fat here and some important moments are being diminished.
Jaime and Cersei were a team from day one. It was them against the world. They would do anything for each other. And yes, Cersei sort of lost her way after their children died and she clearly distanced herself from Jaime.
But what would make Jaime abandon her?
I know he said he’s fighting for survival now and blah blah. I get that. But after everything Jaime those two went through together, what was the last straw for Jaime? Was it Cersei lying to Daenerys, a woman that neither he nor Cersei had any prior relationship to? Because, um, that doesn’t make sense.
When Jaime and Tyrion are speaking, Tyrion points out that Jaime always knew what Cersei was and was always okay with it. This episode needed like, 3 more minutes with those two talking because Jaime really needs to explain how he went from threatening to murder Edmure Tully’s baby for Cersei to not fucking with her at all.
Who won the episode?
Brienne’s the obvious winner. Her character arc is complete. She finally became a knight and earned the respect of the most highly regarded fighter in Westeros.
She went from fawning over the super gay Renly Baratheon to having two men not-so-subtly fight over her. She’s a sex icon out here in Winterfell. If this took place in modern day, she’d be starring in Love and Hip Hip making six figures off Fashion Nova promo codes.
Now, this means she’s about to like, step on a land mine and explode in a million pieces. Did you see how happy she was when she was knighted? It’s a wrap for Brienne. She won’t be going back to Tarth.
Also, quick honorable mention AGAIN, to Sansa Stark. It’s wild that I hated this whiny spoiled asshole for seven years and now she seems to be the only character who understands both the gravity of the situation and the long term effects of this situation.
Everyone is flirting and hanging out with their friends and Sansa is organizing a way to feed everyone. When Daenerys walks in for their little chat, Sansa is in the middle of WORKING, which no one else seems to care about. Queen of the North.
White Walkers in 4.
- Wait Until Melvin Gordon Finds Out No One Gives a Shit About Melvin Gordon
- Let’s Breakdown The National Women’s Soccer League So You Can Continue Supporting The USWNT
- 5 Worst Contract Signings of the 2019 NBA Offseason
- Who Should Be The 2019 WNBA All-Stars?
- Deadseriousness 2019 Midseason MLB Awards