The Founding Fathers
America’s founding fathers in more realistic terms.
No one really wants John Adams around but occasionally he has some good ideas. John Adams was the boring friend at the table that told awful stories that no one else cared about. Sure he’d eventually become president but that’s only because George Washington didn’t feel like being the greatest man ever anymore.
Benjamin Franklin was the life of the party. He was the cool friend everyone loved seeing. He had great stories about his crazy trips toEuropeand he always invented the coolest stuff. The only reason why colonists decided to revolt againstBritainwas because Benjamin Franklin told them to. I mean, you have to listen to good ol’ Ben Frank.
Alexander Hamilton is the rich friend that you can always go to for a quick loan. Yeah he’s sort of a prick but he was an orphan growing up so there’s an excuse. If he had a problem with someone, he’d let them know, Aaron Burr.
John Jay is the man that can settle any dispute the founding fathers had. He’s the voice of reason in the room whenever Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson tried to kill each other. He also happened to have the most elusive hairline in the 1700’s.
Thomas Jefferson is the annoying one that no one likes. He’s the type of guy that whines and complains until he gets what he wants. He was also the only man willing to write the Constitution so the founding fathers kept him around. Thomas Jefferson is the type of man that campaigns for human equality and then purchases over 200 slaves. What a guy.
James Madison is the quiet friend in the room that mumbles a good idea and the people around him just make it their own. Did you know James Madison wrote the Bill of Rights? Exactly. He may have been person the smartest of all the founding fathers but in the end, all he has to his legacy is a small city inWisconsinnamed after him.
The single coolest man inAmerica. He was the greatest American war hero. The man caught Benedict Arnold. He wasn’t a big political mind but he was invited to the Continental Congress because he was just so cool. George Washington became president solely because of popularity. Those other 6 guys are nice and all but George Washington is “The Father of America”, sorry Thomas Jefferson.