Yessssss feed me all of these liesssss. Chop them up on a mirror and let me snort this bullshit. Inject this nonsense into my veins. I love this.
There is nothing I enjoy more than Bird having a monster Spring Training every year. Crushing the batting cages. Diving on ground balls like a young Don Mattingly. Shooting finger guns at all of the players’s wives after he bunts for a home run somehow.
Annnnnd then the second the games start to matter, the moment Game 1 of 162 begins, Greg Bird comes into the clubhouse limping with his foot in a walking boot and his arm in a sling like ‘sorry coach, guess I’m just going to have to continue to live my day-to-day life with all of the popularity of being on the New York Yankees roster while never actually playing so no one can see that I’m actually bad at this sport. See you in October. I’ll hit a go-ahead double against Cleveland out of nowhere’.
So please keep tweeting out how great his swing looks. How much muscle he’s put on. How he feels healthier than ever. Drop that tab into my water bottle and let me ride that wave all Spring long.
Long Live Greg Bird: King of the Grapefruit League.
(Secretly send me videos of Tyler Austin crushing bombs in Minnesota though).
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Bird will have a huge season to keep the lie alive. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Follow on Instagram so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.