Everyone Shut The Fuck Up About The Unwritten Rules of Baseball

On Monday night, one of the coolest moments in MLB history was instantly drowned out by the absolute lamest moment in the history of history. The San Diego Padres beat the brakes off the Texas Rangers 14-4 off the bat of young superstar, Fernando Tatis Jr, who hit two home runs including a grand slam.

Beast shit.

It is was immediately turned into an unnecessarily dramatic debate about what players are allowed to do and sportsmanship and the unwritten rules of baseball and blah blah.

See, the Padres were up 10-3 in the top of the 8th inning with the bases loaded. Tatis Jr was up 3-0 and swung at the weak ass beach ball that was underhanded right down the middle of the plate and punched the ball into the empty parking lot.

Problem is, apparently you’re supposed to take the 3-0 pitch because you’re already up 7 runs and it’s a ‘selfish’ move to, continue playing baseball(??) According to the unwritten rules of baseball, if the opposing team sucks so badly that they fall behind by 7 runs and then load the bases, you have to play by Little League rules and just stand in the box with your bat on your shoulders and let them strike you out.

Here’s what Texas Rangers manager, Chris Woodward, said about the grand slam:

I’m not going to be cute about this. This is clearly coded and we’re not going to act like Woodward is some stiff elderly man. He’s only 44. He played in 2011. He’s a young man. When he says ‘it’s kind of the way we were all raised in the game’ what he’s actually saying is ‘these Spanish players need to fall in line.

It’s the same reason why everyone thinks Tatis’s teammate, Manny Machado, is constantly called out for not sprinting to first base on a ground out even though 70% of the league doesn’t. It’s the reason why Gary Sanchez is called lazy. It’s the reason why Yasiel Puig isn’t in the league anymore. Spanish players need to be robots or else any sign of individualism or ‘lack of hustle’ is turned into a radio sports talk debate about how they don’t respect the game.

What makes this even more disgusting is that Tatis’s own manager shit on him too.

“Just to make sure we get the signs 3-0 in that game,” Jayce Tingler said. “He’s young, a free spirit and focused and all these things, and that’s the last thing we’ll ever take away. But that’s a learning opportunity, that’s it and he’ll grow from it.”

Oh and the cherry on top, here’s Eric Hosmer screaming at him after FERNANDO TATIS JR HIT A GRAND SLAM:

*chef’s kiss* Ah, the white rules of baseball. Delicious.

Oh, and for anyone who is on the side of the Rangers in their weird irrational hate of Fernando Tatis Jr deciding to play baseball in a baseball game because it’s selfish and because he cares about his own stats, here is the Rangers last season intentionally letting a foul ball drop so that Mike Minor could reach 200 Ks in a season:

In this instance they actually opted out of doing normal baseball activities specifically so that a player could juice their stats.

Fuck the Texas Rangers.

If you can hit a home run in a Major League Baseball game, hit the damn home run and don’t listen to Eric Hosmer. Ever. Enough about the unwritten rules. Just say you hate brown people so we don’t have to have this faux discourse that we’re all universally on the same side of.




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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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