Edward James Wright pleaded guilty at Truro Crown Court to charges of robbery, possessing a knife, assault, criminal damage and exposure.
He said: ‘The defendant approached and began banging his knife against the window.
‘He appeared to damage his knife and, in response to that, the defendant then took his penis out of his trousers and began waving that around to the people who were inside.’
Edward James Wright then smashed the front door window and then assaulted the restaurant manager which led to staff being forced to lock the doors.
You have to respect Edward James Wright and his fast thinking on the fly. Once he dulled his knife from banging it on the counter, he had a decision to make. ‘I need an object to threaten these employees with. Oh wait, my dick.’ Ah, to be a fly on the wall in his cerebellum for that Eureka moment. Can’t. Knock. The Hustle.
There needs to be something in the McDonald’s employee handbook about immediately dialing 9-1-1 when someone who looks like Edward James Wright strolls into the parking lot. I understand that 90% of McDonald’s customers look like that but maybe they need a direct line to the local sheriffs like Bruce Wayne’s batphone.
Also, quick shout out to the McDonald’s employee who got ragdolled by a guy with his dick out of his pants. You have to hand in your name tag ASAP. McDonald’s employees need a leader of men. You’re out.
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Edward James Wright was just pissed that the McFlurry machine didn’t have Vanilla ice cream. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.