It’s official: We’re going by Dunkin’ now. ? After 68 years of America running on Dunkin’, we’re moving to a first-name basis. ? Excited to be #BFFstatus with you all ?☕️? #firstnamebasis #besties pic.twitter.com/hmzd2Bamlm
— Dunkin’ (@dunkindonuts) September 25, 2018
“While donuts may no longer appear in our logo, we remain committed to serving our signature donuts and will continue to offer new and seasonal varieties to delight donut lovers everywhere,” Tony Weisman, U.S. chief marketing officer at Dunkin’, said in a statement to USA Today.
We will not be calling Dunkin Donuts ‘Dunkin’. We will not go quietly in the night. I will lead marches to stop this from happening. We do not recognize this nonsense name change. Nah, b. Fake news. We can’t let history repeat itself. This is how Hitler took over Germany, probably.
Look, I get it. The company doesn’t want to limit its brand to just donuts. Most of the companies sales are from coffee or whatever. They don’t want to dissuade new customers who may perceive it to simply be a donut establishment. They’re trying to sell those hash browns, babyyy. Again, I get it. Sling those chicken salads.
But what about us loyal customers. The day oners. We must suffer because there are aliens that just landed on Earth that apparently aren’t aware that Dunkin Donuts doesn’t ALSO sell beverages?
How could you turn your back on us, Dunkin Donuts? After all we’ve been through? I’ve literally dug through couch cushions trying to find loose change so I can get an iced coffee like a junkie. You got me hooked and now you’re turning your back on me?
Everyone meet me at the local Dunkin Donuts. We are locking arm in arm, (glazed) donuts in mouth, ready for war. I’ll leave in handcuffs if I have to. Hopefully not though. I just want donuts, plz.
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you will be calling it this business by their original name for the rest of eternity. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.