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Drew Brees Is Going To Die On a Football Field

This Sunday, Drew Brees got murked resulting in fractured ribs and a collapsed lung. The reports also claim that he’ll be back in 2-3 weeks. What? In what universe can a 41 year old man suffer a collapsed lung and then play football all within the same pay cycle?

Someone needs to step in and keep Drew Brees off the field before they scrape his flatted corpse off the turf after a Khalil Mack sack like Newman in Space Jam getting destroyed by the Monstars.

At what point do we get this elderly MAGA weirdo the fuck off of the field so that we can avoid a Twitter timeline full of ‘we may not have agreed on things off the field but RIP to the GOAT’ even though Brees is nowhere near the GOAT and was never once the best player in the league let alone all time.

But enough about Cajun Alex Smith, it’s time to take an Uber Lyft over to Jameis Winston island.

Jameis has 121 touchdowns and nearly 20,000 career passing yards is his first 5 NFL seasons with the Tampa Bay Bucs. He led the league last season with 5,109 yards and 30 TDs. Led the league. He was on pace to put up Hall of Fame caliber stats but was forced to become a backup because of his frequent turnovers.

Before I continue, it’s important for me to state I am aware that throwing 30 interceptions in one season is a bad thing that should be avoided, if possible. I also recognize that Bruce Arians and Sean Payton are two totally different coaches that expect totally different outcomes.

Bruce wants guys to just shut their eyes and chuck it and that works for Ben Roethlisberger and Ryan Fitzpatrick but it encourages turnovers. Sean just wants positive yardage. New Orleans also has a weapon that Tampa Bay did not: Alvin Kamara.

Instead of needing to sling the ball downfield, Winston has the best checkdown option in the NFL. Alvin Kamara might singlehandedly re-establish Winston as a star in this league.

OR

Jameis is going Jameis. He is going to throw pick six after pick six after pic six and in a year full of a deadly plague that we’re all pretending as if our lungs aren’t slowly being eroded by the air, we need this joy. We need to all reach across the aisle and laugh at this sexual predator’s stupidity.

You know what we don’t need? Taysom Hill cosplaying as an NFL quarterback. Enough is enough. He is a very talented running back. He’s a;so an atrocious QB and I am exhausted with the amount of attention he gets from broadcast booths during Saints games as if Hill is the reason they’re winning.

Take Drew Brees to the back of the barn and old yeller his ass. Don’t let Cris Collinsworth ruin his khakis watching Taysom Hill overthrow wide open receivers. Release Jameis Winston into the wild and let us enjoy the inevitable chaos. Plz.

 

 

 


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TheLesterLee

Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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