washington wizards

Don’t Let The Media’s Obsession with Mocking The Knicks Distract You From The Fact That The Washington Wizards Have The Worst Roster Ever

While everyone is making fun of the Knicks for not signing Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving (even though 29 other teams also didn’t sign them) the Washington Wizards are quietly building a team that would get their ass beat in the Australian Basketball League.

ESPN can squeeze 24 hours of Stephen A. Smith fake reactions for content all they want. Let’s take a quick peek at the roster that Washington put together for the 2019-2020 season:

PG: Isaiah Thomas, Ish Smith, Isaac Bongo, John Wall (injured as hell)

SG: Brad Beal, Jordan McRae. Tarik Phillip

SF: Jonathon Simmons, Troy Brown, Jemerrio Jones

PF: Rui Hachimura, Mo Wagner,

C: Thomas Bryant, Ian Mahinmi, Dwight Howard (brutal butt injury)

Outside of Bradley Beal and our faint memories of Isaiah Thomas with two functional hips, these players would get ran out of the gym at your local LA Fitness.

Bill Simmons is recording an hour long podcast right now with some guy he used to butt chug beers with in college all about the Knicks ‘disastrous’ offseason, meanwhile, the Wizards are about to run out a Jonathon Simmons-Rui Hachimura-Thomas Bryant frontcourt and they are receiving zero ridicule.

The Wizards only real asset is Bradley Beal (who they reportedly refuse to trade) after they basically punted on their first-round draft pick this summer.

Rui Hachimura is a project who can’t shoot and is in no way ready to play NBA basketball on a nightly basis.

The Knicks have RJ Barrett, Kevin Knox, Mitchell Robinson and those Mavs draft picks.

But nope, the Knicks are doing everything wrong because they decided to sign 24-year old Julius Randle to a 3-year/$63 million contract. Yes, the same Julius Randle that averaged 21.4 points and 8.7 rebounds on 52% from the field and 34% from the three-point arch.

Nah, the Knicks are the laughing stock for not giving a 31-year old 7-foot tall basketball player with a history of foot injuries and no achilles a max contract yet no one has shit to say about John Wall getting the supermax and then ‘slipping and falling’ in his home resulting in a ruptured achilles when he was already out for the season after heel surgery.

Dwight Howard literally missed last season because his butt hurt. What are we doing here?

How is this franchise not being clowned constantly? Shit, they don’t even have a general manager.

It’s like these media companies have to hit a quota of James Dolan mentions every month or else people lose their jobs. There’s no other explanation for this nonsense.

They drafted Rui Hachimura without having ever met or talked to him prior. Do you understand what is going on in Washington?

But instead, people have spent the last 24 hours shaming the Knicks for trading away Kristaps Porzingis, even though he is always on crutches or in a walking boot and you know for a fact that the Knicks also would’ve been shamed if they gave him a max contract this summer because, ya know, his legs don’t work.

It’s madness.

But everyone get your Knicks jokes off. I think the Washington Wizards just signed a concession stand cashier to a max contract for floor spacing.

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Written by TheLesterLee

Creator and King of Deadseriousness. Writer of all things pop culture. Jerk.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk to the king directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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