So I’ve been reading reviews for The Snowman and according to everyone on planet Earth, it’s the worst movie of all time. I kind of wanted to see this because I think Michael Fassbender is one of the best actors in the game today.
But then I took a peek at his filmography and wow, this man has no idea how to pick a good movie out of a pile of scripts. His agent can dangle any piece of garbage in front of him and he’s on set by the end of the day. I know all checks are created equal but he’s a classically trained actor. He’s a Shakespeare nerd. HOW did he think Assassin’s Creed was going to be good?
X-Men movies suck. Don’t @ me. Don’t email me. Don’t kidnap me and take me to an abandoned barn and waterboard me until I agree with you. X-Men movies are trash. I don’t understand how you can watch Captain America: Civil War or Guardians of the Galaxy and then put X-Men anywhere in that tier of movies.
X-Men movies are boring, colorless, weird and dry wastes of two hours. Halle Berry standing there raising her hand slightly as CGI lightning gathers around here is a thing I need not ever watch again. Fassbender was amazing as Magneto, I should point out. It’s as if they intentionally made Magneto the only interesting character in those movies because they knew Fassbender can handle the heavy lifting while Hugh Jackman flexes.
I totally understand Fassbender wanting to join Ridley Scott’s Alien movies but Ridley Scott’s Alien movies are not Alien movies. They are deep philosophical journies about creationism and life but the movie that Scott wanted to make couldn’t get funded so he had to add Xenomorphs for no reason.
Michael Fassbender is the most interesting part about Alien: Covenant but that doesn’t suddenly make Covenant a good movie. Spoiler: it stinks.
The Light Between Oceans is the perfect movie to play when you’re ready to take a quality Saturday afternoon nap. It’s cool in that you get to see him and his wife playing a married couple, Mr. and Mrs. Smith style but it’s significantly less fun than Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
I think you get the point and I can stop listing off movies now. Michael Fassbender is far and away better than all the scripts he accepts and I’m starting to think he has some sort of debt back in Germany that he’s trying to payback. I just hope his parents are safe so he can finally win an Oscar.
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