Do NFL Teams Know That Tom Brady Sucks?

There is a report this week that there are as many as 8 teams that are ready and willing to sign Tom Brady the second this year’s free agency period begins later this month and I can’t help but ask…why? *whispers* Tom Brady sucks.

Every day there is a new discussion about which team would be so fortunate to acquire the 42-year old elderly man with zero mobility and an absence of down the field arm strength.

Last season, Brady was Top 10 in yards and that’s super dope. Jameis Winston led the league in yards and no one is rushing to sign him. Accumulating massive yards totals only matters if your last name is Brees otherwise, it usually means that your team was behind and you were forced to throw to catch up aka the Matt Stafford Special.

Tom Brady finished 27th in completion percentage last season (60.8%). That was worse than Mitch Trubisky, Mason Rudolph, Kyle Allen and 0.1 points ahead of Jameis. Everyone believes Brady is better than those quarterbacks but why? Because he was MVP two seasons earlier? Cool. He’s aging in dog years. Two seasons previous might as well have been a decade ago.

His yards per attempt was 29th (6.6) which tied with Andy Dalton. His quarterback rating was 88.0 which was 19th in a league below Case Keenum and Gardner Minshew. Do you see the picture I’m painting here? Tom Brady sucks.

At this point in his career, it would make just as much sense for the San Diego Chargers to sign Case Keenum than it is to convince Brady to move across the country to replace Philip Rivers—the only free agent quarterback worse than he is.

And I know Brady fans are going to tell me that he lacked offensive weapons or that his offensive line was weak but as a Giants fan, I’ve experienced what it feels like to have an old awful quarterback behind center every week failing to get first downs and seeing both the front office and the fan base blaming everything around him except for him directly but in actuality, Eli Manning sucked for three years and should’ve been replaced in 2017.

Whatever team signs Tom Brady is going to realize immediately that if they don’t have five Pro Bowl offensive linemen in front of him and a Hall of Fame tight end and the best receiving corp then they’ll have to enjoy seeing this bum throw footballs at players feet or getting sacked every other play.

The most interesting aspect of this offseason is that Brady’s former backup, Jacoby Brissett, had almost identical numbers this year, would be far cheaper to sign and it would behoove Bill Belichick to bring back Brissett as opposed to bringing back a man in his 40’s go out there and look like Joe Biden at debates mumbling about how he used to tip waitresses extra so they’d sit on his lap for 5 seconds.

Dear NFL teams, Tom Brady sucks. Enjoy.



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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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