dez bryant

Dez Bryant Should Retire And/Or Kill Himself

Dez Bryant sucks now. That is not just the opinion of a lifelong New York Giants fan who hates the Dallas Cowboys. This is a fact. Dez was a complete non-factor for the Cowboys this season and left Dak Prescott out to dry with his inability to get any separation from his defenders. You could put a statue in front of Dez instead of a cornerback and Dez would still get locked the fuck up.


Here is a recent interview Dez had with a reporter about taking a pay cut:


You’re on the books for an awful lot of money. You think you might need to take a pay cut?

“I haven’t heard no talks about that, but if it comes—well, I don’t know,” Bryant told reporters.

He added: “Probably not. Hell, no, man. I believe in me.”



Dez Bryant was targeted 132 times this season. He only caught 69 passes. Nice. That essentially means that if Dak Prescott threw the ball in Dez’s direction, there was a 50% chance that it would end up in the grass. That’s um, bad.

Perhaps it’s harsh to say that Dez should kill himself but hey, you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain. I’m not sure Dez was ever the ‘hero’ but with Ezekiel Elliot being the clear star of the team now, Dez is approaching villain territory with how unathletic and old he looks.

And the man is only 29 years old. I guarantee Jerry Rice could beat him in a foot race right this second. Strike that. I guarantee I could beat him in a foot race right this second. But that’s not fair actually. We all know I run a 3.2 40-yard dash given a full breakfast and 8 hours of sleep. But you get my point.


RIP Dez Bryant’s career.




Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Dez Bryant should call it quits. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.

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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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