Dear MLB Teams, Intentionally Walk Derek Dietrich

Derek Dietrich joins the growing list of Miami Marlins send offs who left Derek Jeter’s organization and immediately became an MVP candidate the second he changed jerseys.

Cincinnati signed Dietrich to a minor league contract over the winter and now my man has 17 homers in 140 plate appearances. Last season, Dietrich had 551 plate appearances and hit 16 homers.

But I don’t want to just talk about his power numbers or the fact that his LAST SIX HITS ARE ALL HOME RUNS.

I want to discuss how much he hates the Pittsburgh Pirates.

At the beginning of the 2019 season, Derek Dietrich hit a BOMB to Pluto off Pirates pitcher, Chris Archer, and didn’t leave the batter’s box until the ball returned to orbit.

It was only the second inning of a game in early April and Dietrich acted like he just hit a walk off to win the World Series.

Let me make one thing clear, everyone should celebrate home runs that way. Fuck being humble.

Then Chris Archer promptly threw at Dietrich and war ensued as Yasiel Puig stormed the mound ready for murder.

Fast forward to Tuesday night and Dietrich punched 3 balls into the upper decks against the Pirates once again and celebrated each one as if he was dancing on Pittsburgh’s grave.

Of his 17 homers, 7 of them have come against Pittsburgh in just 22 at-bats. Personally if I was Pittsburgh, or frankly any team, I would probably end Dietrich’s ass to first base on four pitches before he launches a pitch to the parking lot and then waits on home plate to sign autographs before rounding the bases.

Sportsmanship is for the birds. Major League Baseball needs more guys who will shrug like Michael Jordan in the middle of their home run trot.

And one last round of applause to the Miami Marlins for creating all of these stars in a lab and then sending them all out to be successful anywhere else but Florida. Derek Jeter is determined to field a 25-man roster of high school junior varsity players and anyone who will respond to his Craigslist ads.

NL MVP Power Rankings As Of Today:

  1. Derek Dietrich: 17 home runs, All of the swag.
  2. Cody Bellinger: 20 home runs, .382 batting average
  3. Christian Yelich: 21 homers, 44 RBIs
  4. Josh Bell: 17 home runs, .338 batting average
  5. Pete Alonso: 17 home runs, being the only player on the Mets that knows how to play baseball.

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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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