nfl draft prospects

Deadseriousness Big Board: Top 20 NFL Draft Prospects

The Deadseriousness Big Board has arrived (read that with an echo effect in your head). The NFL Combine has come and gone and it’s time to evaluate young men based off of how high they jumped and how fast they ran a very specific distance.

Here is the OFFICIAL Deadseriousness Big Board:

1. Ed Oliver DT

Ed Oliver is a monster. He is not human. He has the ability to be in the backfield the second the ball is snapped as he recorded 53 tackles for a loss in his college career.

There are some people that have lowered him on their draft boards because he’s an undersized interior lineman which is strange considering the best defensive player in the NFL is Aaron Donald, an undersized interior lineman who almost broke Michael Strahan’s single season sack record in 2018.

2. Quinnen Williams DT

Okay, I don’t know if I’m following a trend or if I’m a dumb NFL GM who is incredibly late to a trend but after watching Aaron Donald make such a massive difference from the interior, I am ALL in on defensive tackles.

Alabama football just vomits out NFL All-Pro defensemen and I have no reason to suddenly believe that Quinnen Williams won’t add to Nick Saban’s impressive resume of successful alumni.

3. Nick Bosa DE

Am I being lazy if I say he reminds me a lot of San Diego Chargers pass rusher, Joey Bosa? Yes? Well, it’s 2am so yea, he reminds me a lot of his brother.

He is probably the most sure prospect in this draft as there is no doubt in my mind that he makes an immediate impact wherever he is drafted. The only reason he’s not No. 1 on this list is because he’s coming off a pretty serious season ending injury but the human body does this crazy thing where it heals after time. Wild, right?

4. Josh Allen LB

88 tackles. 17 sacks. Josh Allen put Kentucky football on the map last season. Kentucky has no business being relevant in both basketball AND football and Josh Allen was deadset on changing that narrative.

He can rush the pasher. He can stop the run. He can lineup on the end of the defensive line. He can stand up a play lineback. Outside of Nick Bosa, he might be a guaranteed hit for whichever team drafts him.

5. Jonah Williams OT

As a New York Giants fan, I know the importance of a left tackle and what happens to a team when they rely on a guy like Ereck Flowers. A team at the top of this draft could transform their offensive line from worst to first automatically by just adding Jonah Williams to their roster.

Plus, he just played for Alabama so you know that the big lights and the money won’t change him. If anything, he’ll be taking a pay cut playing in the NFL. No one drops a bag like Saban.

6. Clelin Ferrell DE

On paper, Clelin Ferrell has the exact measurements of the prototypical edge rusher. He’s what NFL scouts doodle on their legal pads when they’re daydreaming watching way less talented defensive ends play.

Ferrell was on a stacked Clemson defensive line and still recorded 11.5 sacks last season which could either mean that the other pass rushers on Clemson had the attention of oppossing offensive lines so he snuck in behind them or it could mean that he was able to stand above and beyond his great teammates and his talent outshined theirs. I don’t know, man.

7. Greedy Williams CB

I’m all in on physical cornerbacks that get in receivers’ faces at the line the scrimmage. You can all have your small little finesse guys running around in the secondary. I’ll take the 6’2 guy that is clinging to Brandin Cooks on the outside.

Out of all the potential cornerbacks drafted in the first round, I think Greedy has the best chance to become the next Jalen Ramsey or Marcus Peters aka stars.

8. Byron Murphy CB

The reason I put Byron Murphy behind Greedy Williams is that I think Greedy has a better chance to become a Darrelle Revis/Champ Bailey style lockdown defender than Murphy does.

BUT, I think Byron is far more versitile and can make a huge impact in both man-to-man coverage as well as zone. He also has better hands than Greedy so I get the feeling when their careers are over, Byron will have more interceptions.

9. Brian Burns DE

A lot of people have Brian Burns higher up their draft boards which is understandable. When the ball is snapped, Burns explodes like a rocket into the backfield. You cannot teach reaction time. That scene in Man on Fire when Denzel trains Dakota Fanning how to improve her swimming time by reacting to the starting gun faster is bullshit. Can’t teach reflexes. Everything else in that movie is very realistic and Denzel might have actually murdered all those people. Who knows?

Burns falls to No 9 on the Deadseriousness Big Board because he struggles to keep his weight up and for an outside defensive lineman, I don’t trust slim thick over here struggling to hit 240lbs.

10. TJ Hockensock TE

TJ Hockensock can catch. And he can run. And he can block. In today’s NFL where tight ends that can play all three downs are so valuable, I genuinely believe teams would be insane to let Hockensock fall out of the first round.

There are certain tight ends that come into the game and the defense automatically knows that they’re about to call a passing play or running play based off that tight ends particular skill set. Hockensock is great at run blocking as well as running routes. He takes away any advantage a defense might have pre-snap.

11. Montez Sweat DE

While most people are going out to dinner, spending time with family and friends, developing romantic relationships, I’m sifting through NFL combine numbers and as I sit in my dark scouting room I can’t help but notice that Montez Sweat’s wingspan is STUPID.

He’s a 6’6 pass rusher that can reach the quarterback from the sidelines. So. Many. Potential. Tipped. Passes.

13. Rashan Gary DT

Interior defensive linemen *heart eyes emoji*

14. Kyler Murray QB

kyler murray should play baseball

The tallest quarterbacks in the league right now are Brock Osweiler, Joe Flacco and Nick Foles. The shortest quarterbacks in the league right now are Russell Wilson, Drew Brees and Baker Mayfield. Let’s all shut the fuck up.

Also, let’s ignore all of these reports that he interviews poorly. He has brown skin. This happens every year. The tanner a QB is, the more NFL scouts are ready to call them dumb. He’s going to be fine.

15. Jawaan Taylor OT Florida

Jawaan Taylor falls into the category of ‘whoa did you see what his measurements were at the combine?’ because Nerd Lyfe. 6’5 312lb. I’m in. Giants, draft him. Now. I know he’s not a running back but believe me.

16. Devin White LB

Devin White is my favorite type of linebacker. He’s the type of middle linebacker that is a straight up maniac who gets his helmet involved in every single play. As soon as the play is snapped, Devin White is sprinting head first into the actio like a firefighter running into a burning home.

The problem with that playing style is 1. he isn’t great at reading play actions and option plays because he runs blindly like a puppy chasing a tennis ball that you only pretended to throw. 2. CTE.

17. Noah Fant TE

Noah Fant was TJ Hockensock’s teammate at Iowa so shout out to Iowa aka Tight End U. The difference being that Fant is far more explosive and far more athletic.

Can you…can you see why that is? Perhaps a better tan?

18. Cody Ford OT

The man responsible for keeping Kyle Murray off his back last season, Mr. Cody Ford. I don’t think he’s capable of making as big of an impact as say, Quenton Nelson did for the Colts last season, but he can definitely floor oncoming pass rushers.

His only problem is that he is a man without a position. He played right tackle but he’d probably be better as a guard and I don’t trust NFL teams to use players properly. NFL teams are dumn as hell.

19. Dwayne Haskins QB

Remember last season when we were all aruging about which quarterbacks should go No. 1 overall? Well this season, quarterbacks are an afterthought. Dwayne Haskins would be the No. 1 pick if he played defensive tackle but this big dumb idiot decided to be a quarterback in 2019.

My favorite thing is seeing guys on ESPN who have to have opinions about the draft even though they know nothing about college football coming out and saying that Haskins needs to stay in the pocket more even though he almost never scrambled or attempted to rush ever but he’s darkskin so obviously he’s an olympic sprinter. Love me so good ol racism in my NFL draft.

20. DK Metcalf WR

DK Metcalf is a science experiment. I’m pretty sure he was created by Lex Luthor to take down Superman. We’ll see how that translates on a football field considering statically in college, he was pretty mediocre. Metcalf only plays football during his breaks from the gym.

It’s a cute little hobby for him before he slams weights on the ground and yells to make sure everyone is looking at how much he’s lifting. People are comparing him to Josh Gordon and I guess I can see that. They both struggle with addictions. Josh Gordon is smoking a blunt right now and DK Metcalf is snorting pre-work out.

20. Jeffery Simmons DT

Give me all of the interior linemen. I’m a DT queen. It wouldn’t shock me at all if Simmons was drafted in the Top 10 so I had to put him on the Deaderiousness Big Board. He should probably be 20 but there are 3 big problems:

  1. He didn’t go to the combine.
  2. He tore his ACL last year.
  3. HE HIT A WOMAN FUCK JEFFEREY SIMMONS.

 

 

 

Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee with your own personal NFL draft big boards. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Follow on Instagram so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.

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