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Dead Serious Mailbag: Why Should Men Try When Women Don’t

Why should a guy put effort and energy into the dating process when majority of the women in my area put in no effort? For the most part, women in this area grow up with the mindset that its the mans job to chase, initiate, and set up the date. He’s basically in charge of the entire process. While the woman sits back, and basically judges and critiques everything the guy does. The women insist that the guy approach them with something witty, funny and original.

How does that make me want to approach a woman when she thinks she’s on a high horse critiquing everything I say and do? Not only that, shes actually judging me on something SHE refuses to do herself.

Women like this want the whole world to give them equal rights as far as pay, respect, and a voice….yet these same women refuse to allow any progression in the dating process.

Why am I in the minority for wanting to date a woman that has her own voice, own ideas, and confidence?


*airhorns* Dead serious Mailbag BACK. After a brief hiatus, due to the fact that you guys have exclusively sent me emails about Giancarlo Stanton as if my inbox is a local sports radio show, but we’re BACK. As always, hit up with all questions and problems you need my help solving. Help me help you.

But this time I’ve recruited help from my dearest friend, Katie, whose opinion I trust with my life. Do you know the expression, ‘if your friend jumped off a bridge, would you jump too’? Well, if Katie jumped off a bridge, I’d hit the ground first. If she’s a bird, I’m a bird.

So I have to ask, what are you first thoughts after reading this guy’s ‘well Bill Cosby couldn’t have raped alllll of those women-type’ email.

Katie: Your introduction?? I am crying. I love you and you’re stuck with my friendship forever TOO BAD TOO SAD OK. OK OK OK OK OK. Let me be the first to say I just needed to take about eight Christian pregnancy breaths.

I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS. On everything but especially this write in.

I’m trying to give this guy the benefit of the doubt and believe that he doesn’t actually believe that…all women….are …as he just described?

We’re all guilty of making blanket statements. Just last week, I uttered the phrase “Men are a prison” to three disparate people. But my friends know that I’m joking. And I’m here to acknowledge the fact that not ALL men are terrible. And I hope to GOD you both a) acknowledge that not all women are the judgemental, expired egg salad humans you’ve described and b) women deserve every right, responsibility, and privilege that you have earned through simply being a living and breathing male.

Lester: Yes, not ALL men are terrible. Quick counterpoint: Yes, there are.

Katie: I feel like a lot of us joke around, especially on the Internet, about how dating is its own DMV-inspired hell and that men, or women, are the primary problem.

Everyone comes from different backgrounds and pain. My heart goes out to this dude because he seems upset, and I mean that genuinely.

However, he did make me want to throw a cheetah when he got to his paragraph about women wanting equal rights. My friend, my pal, if you’re trying to make a point about dating women being hard…maybe don’t take this route. It’s not going to get you anywhere.

You’re QUITE fucking right that I want to be as paid and respected as you are. I am a woman and I work my ass off. You say you want a woman with her own opinions and views and LOL HERE WE ARE. Look at the age we’re in. Each day, there’s a woman out there who grows less and less afraid of advocating for herself. Don’t be someone who is intimidated by a woman who knows that she deserves good things and goes for them.

Also, what human mice are you dating or trying to date? The brilliant and beautiful women I know have INFINITE opinions. I know A LOT OF THEM. We got MYRIAD thoughts, my guy. ASK ME HOW I FEEL ABOUT ONIONS AND THE OPIOID CRISIS. We ALSO have confidence because we’ve learned that we need it in order to survive.

Lester: [shouts in megaphone] GO OFF, QUEEN

Katie: So to summarize, stop going after women you think are just judging you and don’t appreciate you. But please also don’t demean, deride, and disregard us.

Be kind, be the best man you can be, and you will find something that is the opposite of trash.

You’re not in the minority for wanting to date a woman who has her own voice, opinions, etc. Quite the contrary! But, you’re not going to find a quality woman if you group us all into the same judgemental and rude category.

Women with confidence, opinions, and courageousness to live by their rules are attracted to men who not only can handle that, but who also love them for it.

There are quality women out there who are looking for exactly what you’re looking for, so maybe stop throwing the whole “hey we’d like to be paid as much as you are and also could you please not assault us or dismiss us please lol thank you!!!” thing in our faces. Because it makes me want to take a shovel to your face. And if I’m yearning to take a shovel to your face, I’m most likely not interested in climbing you like a tree ( you). Metaphors are great!!

If a woman isn’t into you, accept that she’s not the ticket. Move to someone who will appreciate you. You gotta sift through a lot of garbage, but ultimately you should be with someone who treats you the way you treat them.

I am not a straight man, and I’m not going to pretend that I know each and every apprehension a man feels when he is dating a woman.

Lester: No one understands how hard it feels to be a straight man. We have to like, talk to women first and like, be nice to them. The struggle can’t even be described. Thank you for acknowledging our plight.

Katie: I do think, however, that if you want something real–something with a good woman–you can’t look at all of us as the enemy. I’m trying to do this with dudes as well.

I think it all comes back to not settling. I’m not a dating expert but I think we all are too soon to settle for being treated like we’re average.

Lester: [whispering] I think you should settle, guy.

Dating ostensibly is like sifting through garbage when you’ve accidentally thrown out your wallet. You’re sifting through all the banana peels and take out boxes (garbage people) to find what you need, your wallet, which is of most value to you (someone who you can have something real with).

I’m not going to sit here and lie to you. I’m not going to tell you that I don’t appreciate when a guy buys me beer on our first date. That I appreciate it when he makes the first move or picks the bar we’re going to. I’m not saying dating as a dude is easy. I’m saying that dating isn’t easy for anyone. It’s like a personal beauty pageant with another human being who you hope will offer you emotional support and make out with you forever. But we ALL need to do better. We need to be nice (I don’t fucking CARE if that sounds stupid–Mr. Rogers advised it and do you KNOW a more successful cardigan-wearer?!?!?) and we need to not settle. We’ll all be in a better place if we can all just start doing those two things. It’s something I’m trying to do myself.

In short, 8,003 words later, be a good person so you can like who you are. Good people deserve other good people. Know that. Know that we’re all trying our best and the right person isn’t going to make you feel like you need to perform for them. Lastly, take solace in the fact that most people are single and terrified that we’re going to die alone while clasping our iPhones, frozen on the Instagram of a mean girl you sat next to in college who now has a stunning family and Labradoodle. There has to be more than that.

Lester: That was amazing advice, Katie. I knew I came to the correct person here. You are the John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Starr to my Pete Best. You are the sun and I am Mercury dried out by your rays.

Pretty sweet of you to give the benefit of the doubt to this ‘with all this #metoo stuff, how am I supposed to talk to a woman without them blowing a rape whistle’ ass bum. Get this ‘I text girls about the sandwich I prepared for lunch last night and for whatever reason, girls don’t text me back’ guy ouuuuut of here.

You suck, my dude.

Women walk the impossible tightrope between being assertive and passive every single day. If you have a female boss who is ‘too assertive’ she is characterized as a bitch where a man with the same sensibilities would be labeled a strong leader. If a woman is too passive they get walked all over by dudes who email Deadseriousness asking why they should be nice to women.

You suck.

Why are women on their damn ‘high horse’ critiquing everything you say or do? I don’t get it either, man. These dumb hoes out here ‘judging your character based off of your behavior and the words you say’. Shaking my damn head. Bitches truly be tripping [high fives fellow fraternity pledges].

Just for anyone planning on hitting on the Dead serious Mailbag please refrain from starting any sentence with ‘women insist’. You’re already wrong.

You suck.

But to be nice for a second, thanks for reading Deadseriousness. That is all.

Thank you again for helping out, Katie. Hopefully, you will return for the next mailbag and maybe even the mailbag after that. Who knows? You know, I guess. But yea, thanks for being the wind beneath my wings.





Thanks for reading. Tweet to @ktammm and bully her into helping with the Dead Serious Mailbag again for the rest of time. Also, email and I will take you to the promised land.

Katie Tamola

Written by Katie Tamola

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