Hi Deadseriousness. How am I supposed to deal with being ghosted all the time? This phenomenon seems to be happening to me quite a bit lately. I’m at the point where I’m almost too afraid to try dating because I find the experience of being ghosted so painful. Another thing I’ve noticed is that I’m going into a lot of situations expecting to be ghosted. Obviously I’m a bit of a mess about this. Any advice would be so helpful!
Dead Serious Mailbag is BAAAAAACK and better than ever. Or about the same as ever. Perhaps worse. Who knows? You know what I do know? It’s BAAAAACK. As always, send all of your questions and concerns to the firstname.lastname@example.org and I will do my best to not ignore your emails.
First of all, before I go any further, I want to quickly say that my name is Lester and not ‘Deadseriousness’ but I appreciate the hello. I am a human being though.
Also, and most importantly, if you enjoyed the lovely and extremely talented expert analysis from Katie on the last Mailbag, she too, is BAAAAAACK. So right away, I need to ask you, Katie, what are your immediate feelings about the ‘phenomenon’ that is Ghosting?
KATIE: Hi pal! Thank you so much for having me back. And double hi pal to my friend who wrote in.
Not to be dramatic, but each day that I wake up on this earth, I am reminded that dating is a festering nightmare. Lester…I fucking hate ghosting. I fucking hate dating. I fucking hate these apps. I fucking hate trying to talk to men in person (but I definitely hate the apps more). People tell me to be myself but then I have my family members telling me I need to wait 9 hours easy before I reply to a dude’s text and/or I also need to make them feel as though I am entirely unphased by their existence.
Anything related to dating is extremely fucking daunting to me and JESUS CHRIST EVERYONE HAS A DIFFERENT MORSEL OF ADVICE TO OFFER ALL THE TIME AND I’M LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT, FORGET IT.
To whomever submitted this question–I’m genuinely sorry this ghosting nonsense keeps happening to you. I promise you I’ve been there. I truly abhor the word stupid but ghosting is stupid. Ghosting is cowardly and it’s immature. I know I sound like a hot privileged uncle who is always around your house and around to deride our generation, but I still feel that way.
I don’t look like fucking Charlize Theron, and if I’m not feeling a dude, I still have the decency to let him know that I don’t think it’s a stellar idea if we go out again. If you don’t want to see someone and y’all have been hanging out for a while, maybe don’t drop off the face of the planet? Maybe put on your lil big boy or big gurl pants and shoot them a seven-worded text? Say you are moving to Papua New Guinea? For the love of Christ let us all stop ghosting. IT HAS TO END.
I’ve thought a lot about dating over the past year because it was my first long term ~single and dating~ year in Manhattan. Sometimes I feel like this whole dating thing comes so easily to some people and then there are people like me who are like “And then at the end of the date he said he was going to take me to dinner but he physically ran out of the movie theater, away from me!!” …which is a real thing that happened to m–my friend–in February.
It can be such a discouraging process. TO THE UMPTEETH DEGREE. But I’m here to tell you that there’s nothing wrong with you, you actually sound nice (which is the most important thing and pls tell anyone who tells you differently that I said they can eat a toe) and I think you should keep dating.
I think people like you and I just have to go on [what feels like] a million disparate dates, meet a ton of people and just keep jumping around (lol what) until we find someone who just..gets us, you know? You want to be with someone who you know isn’t just looking to use you for your attention or body or whatever.
I promise not everyone ghosts. Please keep going on dates. I think you will meet someone who is truly the fucking business. I think you deserve the best and I believe in my frazzled, crazy heart that you will find it.
Lester: Here’s my personal advice: ghosting is the best thing ever and we should all appreciate it when the person we’re talking to completely vanishes on us. It’s actually the best case scenario.
Do you realize what the alternative to ghosting is? Having someone sit you down and tell you that you are not good enough for them. HARD pass on that. I have zero desire to deal with all of my various personality flaws so the last thing I need is a girl cornering me with a list of my shortcomings.
Embrace ghosting. Enjoy it. Don’t let some guy you met on Tinder or whatever, destroy you with the truth. The best part about ghosting is that you can make up any reason for their disappearance. If a girl ghosts me, I can convince myself it’s because she was kidnapped or is trapped in an abandoned subway car or something.
The second a girl says ‘I don’t think we should see each other anymore. You’re a little weird for me’, allll of a sudden I have to look in the mirror and question whether or not the very thin and gross mustache I’m growing is ‘weird’ or as funny as I think it is.
Everyone ghost everyone. Or at the very least, continue ghosting me.
Thanks for reading. Email all of your problems and concerns to Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.