alpha male

Dead Serious Mailbag: How Do I Be The Alpha Male That Girls Want To Date?

Ive never had any luck with girls, i want to change myself and become the chad alpha which all girls swoon for. How can i stop being a vegetable around girls and actually impress them? And most importantly, what is the perfect formula to get a girl to like you?

 

Dead Serious Mailbag is back *Reggaeton airhorns*. This question kind of sucks and I have a better one sitting in the drafts but I’m lazy and this question is short. Yea actually for future reference when you send something into the mailbag (deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com) keep it brief.

So first of all, if you want to be an ‘alpha’ don’t email strangers on the internet asking them how to be an alpha. That’s a very beta move right off the bat. I see we’re really starting from scratch here but you’ve come to the right place.

Also, don’t write or say things like ‘chad alpha which all girls swoon for’ because that’s mega lame. You’re going to need yourself a leather jacket, a pack of cigarettes preferably a brand that is no longer in circulation like lucky strikes. Now no worries, you won’t actually need to smoke any. Just always have one in your mouth or behind your ear to let girls know ‘I’m not afraid of cancer’. Chicks dig bravery, my guy.

How to impress a girl? The age ol’ question. Wear an expensive watch and be sure to carry a shitload of cash. There is nothing sexier than disposable income. Drop a $50 bill on the floor. She’ll be so impressed that you are brave enough to carry a $50 when that bill is slowly being phased out and most places won’t even accept them anymore.

How to get a girl to like you? Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstance, be yourself. Yourself sucks. Do you think people in happy relationships are ‘themselves’? Fuck no. Every time they are with their partner they have to pretend to be someone their not.

 

Did I help? Are you an alpha male yet? Can I go back to watching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia before they take it off Netflix?

 

 

Thanks for reading. Hit up the Dead Serious Mailbag for advice. Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com.

 

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Deadseriousness

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