Cory Booker Should Move To A Nicer Neighborhood

The first democratic debate was uh, interesting to say the least. There were technical differences as NBC switched hosts between the first and second hours for no discernible reason. There were 10 candidates all talking over each other while basically all agreeing on every subject. Interesting night.

But let’s talk about Cory Booker: notorious coffee slut.

With only a minute to give answers to awful questions, every candidate had to quickly vomit out their credentials, experience and any other random thing they could say to establish some level of credibility.

Some candidates mentioned their time in the military. Others, their time working in Congress. Cory Booker, however, seemed deadset on mentioning how dangerous his neighborhood is.

At one point Booker mentioned that 7 kids in his neighborhood were shot just last week. Some would argue that one’s proximity to gun violence shouldn’t somehow enhance how badly they want gun violence to end and that we should all universally want people to stop being shot regardless of how far away it occurs.

And that’s not a shot at Booker but at the audience watching who needs to have their hand held through the very fundamental idea that guns are devices exclusively created to take human life.


He would go on to mention where he lives a few more times which was a huge red flag and a cry for help. I’m not 1000% certain but I’m pretty sure he also said ‘help me, my neighborhood is hell’ in Spanish at one point.

At this point, it’s possible that Cory Booker is only running for president for the opportunity to live in the White House for four years and leave Newark, New Jersey.

If anyone has a place where Booker can crash until the next debate, please help him out. Help get he and his bae, Rosario Dawson, away from the constant gunshots.

Hopefully in the next democratic debate, we can learn more about Cory Booker’s actual policies instead of bringing up his bed bugs or lack of Wifi totally unprovoked.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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