CJ Anderson Was Just Too Damn Thiccccccc For The Dallas Cowboys

The Los Angeles Rams rushed for 270 yards in their victory in the NFC Divisional Playoff round against the bitchass Dallas Cowboys in a game that wasn’t as close as the final score makes it seem. The Rams dominated time of posession and were just methodically devouring the Cowboys defense all game long.

But the story of the night was CJ Anderson running for 123 yards on 23 carries and scoring two rushing touchdowns. The man couldn’t be tackled and does that surprise you at all? CJ Anderson is thicccc as hell.

CJ Anderson is so thiccc that he’s NSFW. I had to turn my safe search off to see a photo of him. There are strippers in Staten Island right now going to their plastic surgeons demanding to have a body like CJ’s.

Of course the Cowboys couldn’t tackle him. They were just in awe when he stepped onto the field. Dallas’s star rookie linebacker, Leighton Vander Esch, isn’t used to a body like that. They don’t make em like CJ back home in Indiana. The Boise State hoes look a little more like Wes Anderson than CJ Anderson.

Yes, Todd Gurley also rushed for 155 and had a touchdown himself. It was complete annihilation. The Rams offensive line ragdolled the Cowboys all night long. It was like watching Alabama football play their annual game against a local community college that just established their football program 3 months prior to the game.

And the best part is that Dallas completely overachieved this year.

They have a conservative coaching staff of Jason Garrett, who hasn’t had an opinion that Jerry Jones didn’t already whisper in his ear and Scott Linehan, the offensive coordinator who loves a good run play directly up the middle on 3rd and 7. And because they won a playoff game the week prior, they’re both going to get contract extensions and the Cowboys will be average for another half-decade.

That combined with Dak Prescott doing just enough to also get that contract extension he doesn’t deserve means it’s a wrap for Dallas going forward. Technically, he’s had more postseason success than Tony Romo but the fact that the ceiling for what he has to achieve in order to be considered great is Tony fucking Romo shows a huge problem with the expectations of the Dallas Cowboys.

Meanwhile, the Rams have one of the best coaches in the NFL and the best running back in the game. Oh, and they also happen to have Todd Gurley too but CJ Andseron thoooo. My man is going to be on Instagram promoting Fashion Nova jeans and waist trainers by the end of the week with the caption saying ‘look back at it ;)’.

We won’t talk about the fact that Jared Goff only went 15-for-28 with 186 yards passing and zero touchdowns. That’s a conversation for a different day on a different website that may or may not have said that Goff would win the MVP award this season.

Nope, instead let’s focus on what really matters: CJ Anderson is thicccc as hell.





Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if CJ Anderson is thicker than you’re favorite IG model. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Follow on Instagram so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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