Charlie Sheen Has AIDS. Yikes

So in the least surprising news in the history of mankind, Charlie Sheen, a man who bangs disease infested prostitutes and abuses drugs, has HIV. Apparently, Charlie Sheen plans to go on the Today Show for his big HIV announcement because everyone knows the best part about contracting the virus is the big television announcement.


Hollywood is “gripped with fear” after a womanizing Tinseltown A-Lister has been diagnosed positive for HIV — panicking his long list of sexual partners, according to a published report.

“It has now become common knowledge that this star is HIV positive, something he has known for years,” an insider told The Sun newspaper of London, which attributed its report to unnamed sources, and didn’t name the infected Lothario.




Again, this is the most obvious news of all time so I don’t have any hot takes about this. Charlie Sheen has AIDS. Of course he does. If there was a Family Feud category about which celebrities are most like to have HIV there would only be one top answer of the board. Then the dumb hot blonde what yell out “Uhh…Donald Trump ahaha. I don’t know” Then Steve Harvey would make fun of her for like, way too long. Then the serious guy from the other family would sternly say “Charlie Sheen” and they would move on to fast money.

This is the problem with being filled with all that tiger blood. Eventually you’re going to run into a bad batch and then bam, next thing you know you’re on the Today Show apologizing to Denise Richards about infecting her.
Sidenote: I guess Gordon Gekko won in the end after all. Could’ve chose any Charlie Sheen movie for that bad joke. Love Wall Street. Might go back and watch that tonight. You all should actually. It’s a classic. Michael Douglas is the fucking man. Oh and Daryl Hannah. Wooooof.



Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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