amy klobuchar

Can We Stop Pretending Like Amy Klobuchar Is a Thing?

The strangest moment of this election cycle for me was discovering that Kamala Harris couldn’t obtain enough campaign donations to appear in a debate forcing her to drop out of the primaries while Amy Klobuchar, a human I had never heard of until she became the only woman on stage next to Elizabeth Warren, has had absolutely no trouble maintaining her nothing of campaign.

Every time I check the polls in Iowa, she has more and more support. The New York Times editorial board gave Klobuchar the NYT official endorsement because she sat in front of them and said ‘midwestern’ over and over.

The irony of this woman constantly reinforcing this midwestern charm is that she’s easily the least likable person in the primaries and that’s next to Bernie Sanders, a man whose quietest whisper would get him escorted out of your local library.

Amy Klobuchar is one of the biggest assholes in politics.

As much as she likes to describes her time as a Senator in Minnesota as this flourishing endeavor in which she’s passed countless bills and worked with everyone and their mothers across political aisles and blah blah, her true claim to fame is how brutal she is to her staff.

A year ago it was openly reported everywhere that staffers quit on her right before she was beginning her presidential campaign because of how hostile the work environment had become.

Here’s a quick fun little story from the NYT about Klobuchar’s temperament:

An aide, joining her on a trip to South Carolina in 2008, had procured a salad for his boss while hauling their bags through an airport terminal. But once onboard, he delivered the grim news: He had fumbled the plastic eating utensils before reaching the gate, and the crew did not have any forks on such a short flight.

What happened next was typical: Ms. Klobuchar berated her aide instantly for the slip-up. What happened after that was not: She pulled a comb from her bag and began eating the salad with it, according to four people familiar with the episode.

Then she handed the comb to her staff member with a directive: Clean it.

Ah, totally normal and weird evil way to speak and act. Eating a salad with comb out of spite and then demanding your aid clean it.

There goes that midwestern charm.

By all accounts, she demeans and harasses her staff and hides under the guise that she has ‘high expectations’.

We’ve all had jobs. The boss that is constantly shitting on you and attempting to diminish your worth is typically a boss that is overwhelmed by their own responsibilities and blames their employees for not doing enough to ease the burden but lacks the communication skills, organization and overall qualifications to handle their own workload.


But what takes her nonsense even further and makes her behavior unforgivable is how she’s gone out of her way to prevent former workers from getting work elsewhere. Huff(ington) Post has reported that Klobuchar has gone out of her way to sabotage job opportunities for employees.

How miserable do you have to be with your life that you go to work, ruin the lives of your employees and then punish them when they attempt to free themselves from your toxicity. Working for Klobuchar is a straight up kidnapping where there is no amount of ransom that could make her happy enough to free you.

Oh, and she throws office supplies at her staff. She has the highest employee turnover rate in the Senate. We have a regime in office right now where new people are hired, fired and resign every single day. 80% of Trump’s original appointments have left. 80fucking%.

Why are we just okay with this chaos? Why are we not seeking stability? That is atrocious leadership.

I think now would be a great time to mention that Amy Klobuchar is a cop.

Prior to joining the Senate, she was a Minnesota “tough on crime” prosecutor which meant nonviolent offenders were getting the book thrown at them for absolutely no reason outside of the fact that that’s just what the wave was in the 90’s.

In her first year, she sentenced a check forger to 10 years in prison. Check forging, an offense that the state sentencing guidelines recommended 2 years.

10 years.

6 people were given FELONIES for not paying child support. Here’s a quick fun fact for context if you don’t understand why that’s a big deal: People who don’t pay child support can’t afford to pay child support.

She was filling prisons as if she was caught by her parents sending someone to prison, and as punishment was forced to smoke the entire pack of sending everyone to prison.

Oh, and’s racist.

Or, I should say, she’s completely indifferent to racial issues and doesn’t seem to recognize that race issues even exist.

Midwestern charm.

In 2002, a 16-year old black kid was given a life sentence for his involvement in the murder of an 11-year old girl who was struck with a stray bullet.

What makes this case noteworthy is that a co-defendant has come out and not only said that he shot the gun but the kid that was arrested wasn’t even with him the night the little girl was slain.

So it’s odd that Amy Klobuchar constantly cites this case to demonstrate how tough she is on guns or whatever especially with the new information that she sent a black teenager to jail for life and that black teenager wasn’t even there for the murder.

To add a level of insanity to this bullshit, the lawyer of the kid whose life she’s so proud of ruining has come out and said that Klobuchar didn’t even have that much to do with the case.

Homegirl brags about giving an innocent black kid life in jail and she wasn’t involved in the fucking case. That’s nuts. This is truly an evil stupid woman who without a doubt is throwing staplers at her staffers as you are reading this because they didn’t have any forks in their pockets.

I don’t understand why a woman who is forever boasting about her past is somehow never challenged about her past. Kamala Harris, known cop, at least had to acknowledge her past as a California prosecutor while Amy gets to continue participating in this race as an undercover officer.

And I didn’t even get into her policies, or lack thereof.

She is Ms. Status Quo. She’s against Medicare for All and has a climate change bill that will see change by 2050. Ah yes, I am definitely voting for the woman who is promising me change in 30 years. Playing the long game over here.

Amy Klobuchar is a centrist which is a new term that means “Republican Lite”. She has no ambitious ideas and simply exists to carry the baton in case Joe Biden’s brain quite literally leaks out of his skull at a campaign rally.

Get Amy Klobuchar OUUUUUT of here.






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Written by TheLesterLee

Creator and King of Deadseriousness. Writer of all things pop culture. Jerk.

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