Cam Newton Named His Newborn Son ‘Chosen’ So He is Officially Trying Too Hard

I like(d) Cam Newton. He gets a lot of hate for his end zone celebrations and constant dabbing. I’ve even read that people hate him because he smiles too much which is insane to me. I’ve already named Cam Newton the MVP of this season and I may or may not have called you racist if you disagreed.

Well all of this success is really messing with Cam as he is trying soooo hard. TOO hard. Now today Cam Newton is officially a try hard loser.

Annndddd Cam Newton has officially jumped the shark. Chosen Newton is like, a day old and already hate him. Cam Newton had a perfect game going and he blew it. He’s dead to me now. From now on I will be spending my Sundays shitting on the Panthers, a team I was otherwise pretty indifferent about.

If you know me at all then you know that I pride myself in doing just enough to skate by. I’m all about the bare minimum and I would like to hope that if you’re reading Deadseriousness than you have the same mindset. Trying too hard is such a bad look. Who the fuck are you ever trying to impress? There are billions upon billions of humans on the planet who don’t give a shit about you. Go to work. Get drunk. Shower sometimes. Anything more than that is extra.

Naming your son Chosen is the biggest ‘look at me’ move a father can make. You’re already a brand new father. That’s plenty of attention. Just post a photo of the kid and your phone is going to explode from getting so many likes on the gram. WHY add more attention with a name like Chosen which almost guarantees that this kid will be in a jail cell by the time he’s Cam’s age.

Dear Cam Newton,

You are trying the most right now. Name your next son Mark or some shit next time and disappear.

Love, King Lester.

P.S. Would love an invite to your MVP celebration party. Phone’s always on so you know, just shoot me a text.
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TheLesterLee

Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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