chase headley

Brian Cashman Adds Another Victory To His Collection After The San Diego Padres Designate Chase Headley For Assignment

If you’re an MLB general manager and you see that Brian Cashman is calling you, what do you do? Do you lock all of your doors? Do you clutch a bible and simply pray? There is a 1000% chance that Cashman is about to pull a heist on you. I guess you just call your family and tell them you love them before Cashman runs the jewels.

Heading into the 2018 season, Chase Headley was owed $13 million which was a ridiculous amount of money for a man who isn’t good enough to make the San Diego Padres roster. With Miguel Andujar and Brandon Drury battling over who will become the starting third baseman and end up being the best third baseman ever, Headley making $13 million on the Yankees this year literally made me laugh out loud thinking about.

So naturally, Cashman picked up the phone and tricked the Padres into trading for a homecoming as Headley spent the first 9 seasons of his career in San Diego. In 2012, Headley finished 5th in NL MVP voting after hitting 31 homers and 115 RBIs. In a Yankees uniform, Headley never hit more than 14 homers. Dope.

On top of shedding that stupid salary, Brian Cashman also managed to get Bryan Mitchell out of here too. Mitchell has 7 starts this season and is 0-3 with a 6.21 ERA. I guarantee Cashman gets a push notification on his phone every time Mitchell gives up a run.

Brian Cashman became the GOAT after he held Mark Teixeira’s family hostage and forced him to retire early after having an awful start to the 2016 season. Aroldis Chapman made it abundantly clear ‘hey, no matter what team the Yankees trade me to, I’m re-signing with them in the offseason’ and somehow with zero leverage, Cashman still managed to flip Chapman for Gleyber Torres before of course, re-signing Chapman like, 8 weeks later.

Oh, he also traded for the 2017 NL MVP in exchange for a pack of Starbursts and an iTunes gift card. So. Many. Wins. For The Cash Man.



Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think the other GMs are terrified of Brian Cashman. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.


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Written by TheLesterLee

Creator and King of Deadseriousness. Writer of all things pop culture. Jerk.

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