Breaking Down The 2020 NFL Offseason: NFC North

Here I go writing an NFL offseason recap again. Mama, there goes that man again. Spending hours writing an article to send into the internet Abyss. And focusing on the NFC North of all divisions. Why do I do this? When did I become [insert popular NFL journalist]?

Whatever, here’s your NFC North 2020 NFL Offseason BREAK DOWN:

Best Acquisition

Chicago Bears: Robert Quinn

I don’t have many positive things to say about the Chicago Bears 2020 offseason but Robert Quinn coming off the defensive line with Khalil Mack on the other side is going to be a PROBLEM for opposing offensive lines. His 11.5 sacks last season is going to provide so much more for Chicago than Leonard Floyd’s measly little 3 sacks.

Minnesota Vikings: Michael Pierce

If you can’t draft as well as the Ravens then signing their draft picks when they become free agents is the next best thing.

Detroit Lions: Jamie Collins

Jamie Collins is one of those many defensive players we’ve seen over the last two decades that are stars in the New England Patriots system but turn into pumpkins when they entire another team’s locker room.

Green Bay Packers: Devin Funchess

Devin Funchess is the mendoza line of NFL wide receivers so congrats to the Packers for signing the textbook definition of average. I, too, am average so thank you for keeping Funchess in the league.

Biggest Departure

Minnesota Vikings: Stefon Diggs

Stefon Diggs has been trying to escape Minnesota from the moment Kirk Cousins probably invited him to some corny ass local bible study. Diggs was granted his freedom from the tyranny of Kirk’s awkward smiling.

Detroit Lions: Darius Slay

Ideally, the Lions would’ve put Slay and rookie corner, Jeff Okudah, together to lockdown receivers but mismanagement of the salary cap forced them to choose. There’s a reason why the Lions continue to be irrelevant. Exhibit A.

Green Bay Packers: Bryan Bulaga

Bryan Bulaga has been one of the best offensive tackles in NFL throughout his career anddd now he’s gone as the Packers front office dedicated this offseason to giving Aaron Rodgers a middle finger. Congrats to the rest of the NFC North.

Chicago Bears: Mitch Trubisky’s self-esteem

You could make the argument that Mitch Trubisky lost his self-esteem last season when he shut off all the TVs in the Bears facility but it’s safe to say that with the addition of Nick Foles and head coach, Matt Nagy, most likely leaving all his texts on read, Trubisky is limping into 2020 with his confidence on capital zero.

Worst Decision

Green Bay Packers: Trading up for Jordan Love

There’s a huge difference between drafting Aaron Rodgers at the end of the first round after you’re shocked that he fell into your lap and you have Brett Favre saying he’s going to retire every season and trading up to draft a quarterback where the best case scenario is that he never plays and you just wasted a first-round pick. Dumb for brains.

Chicago Bears: Signing Jimmy Graham

Jimmy Graham is WASHED as hell. Last season he caught 38 passes for 447 yards. Not sure why that earns him a 2-year $16 million deal especially after the bears drafted Cole Kmet in the 2nd round. Just dumb shit.

Detroit Lions: Keeping Matt Patricia

Very rarely does a team quit on their head coach and that head coach is guaranteed his job immediately following the season but here we are. I get Detroit not wanting new coaches every year but that says more about management’s inability to hire someone who isn’t a scammer.

Minnesota Vikings: Uh, letting go of everyone on defense

Uh, bold move by Minnesota to walk away from Xavier Rhodes, Trae Waynes, Everson Griffen, and Linval Joseph. Typically, one would like to maintain their pro bowl players but the Vikings have other plans.

Best Rookie

Detroit Lions: Jeff Okudah

I am a sucker for a good college mixtape and Okudah’s clips have convinced me that he’s the greatest cornerback in NFL history already. The Lions had the 31st ranked defense. Jeff Okudah could at least bump them up to No. 30.

Minnesota Vikings: Justin Jefferson

Stefon Diggs out. Justin Jefferson in. There’s going to be a lot of receptions available for him to snatch up. Offensive Rookie of the Year??? *eyeball emoji*

Green Bay Packers: AJ Dillon

AJ Dillon has drawn comparisons to Derrick Henry, the running back who singlehandedly carried the Tennesee Titans to an AFC Championship game that they had absolutely no business participating in.

Chicago Bears: Jaylon Johnson

Jaylon Johnson is walking into one of the most talented defenses in the NFL, certainly the No. 1 defense in the NFC North. With Khalil Mack and Robert Quinn murdering quarterbacks, Jaylon is going to get his hands on a lot of poorly thrown footballs. And I’m looking right at you, Kirk Cousins.

Biggest Storyline Heading Into 2020

Minnesota Vikings: Kirk Cousins getting jumped

Stefon Diggs and Adam Thielen hate Kirk Cousins so much. They were there for each other every time Kirk refused to throw it deep to them because he’s a coward or when he did throw it deep and launched the ball into the bleachers but now that Diggs is gone, who is holding Thielen back?

Chicago Bears: Nick Foles stinks

Nick Foles had a couple good games in a row and walked away with a Super Bowl bringing the team that Carson Wentz led all season long but for some reason but fans and organizations seem to believe he should be a starter. Why do we forget that the Rams acquired him in 2015 and he proceeded to lead them to a fantastic 4-7 record with 7 touchdowns and 11 interceptions? Bitch ass.

Green Bay Packers: Jordan Love SZN

Can the Packers get Jordan Love enough help to win the chip? They have a great backfield with Aaron Jones and now AJ Dillon together. Davante Adams just had a 83 catch 997 yard season playing with Love’s backup so who knows what type of year he’s going to have with Jordan tossing him the rock.

Detroit Lions: How bad is Matt Patricia at this?

I can’t stress enough how awful I think Matt Patricia is at coaching.