in ,

Brandon Drury Is The Perfect Toronto Blue Jay And I Already Hate Him

The New York Yankees traded for JA Happ who is fine or whatever and I’ll probably write about how irrelevant that move is later on today. I’ll let everyone else get their Happ takes out of their system first before I give the correct one.

None of that matters.

JA Happ doesn’t win the Yankees a World Series. If the Yankees get past a 1-game playoff, I don’t suspect he’ll start a single game in the following rounds. There is no universe where JA Happ starts a World Series game this year.

Brandon Drury is on the Toronto Blue Jays and after thinking about it for a second, OF COURSE he’s on the Blue Jays. I mean, look at this motherfucker:

My god do I want to slap this man’s face off of his head.

How have I not noticed this before? Love is blind, I reckon. Once you put on those pinstripes, I fall in love. But now that he’s going to be playing in that wack MVP Baseball Create-a-Stadium up in Toronto, I can see that he is truly the fuckboy that was born to be a Blue Jay.

I was super sympathetic earlier in the season when it came out that Drury was suffering from serious migraines and couldn’t see straight. Truly felt bad for the guy because he purposely hid his ailment from the Arizona Diamondbacks in fear that he’d lose his starting job only to finally feel comfortable enough with the Yankees to tell them which led to him losing his starting job.

Poor guy.

But now that he’s on the Toronto Blue Jays, I cannot wait to mock this guy the second I read a headline about his widdle head hurting. Awwwww.

Josh Donaldson is the current third baseman but he’s in the last year of his deal and the Blue Jays don’t seem to have any desire to re-sign him. I’ve made my thoughts on Donaldson pretty clear over the years like when I said he looks like an asshole or you know, when I said that Josh Donaldson has a vagina.

I am more than prepared for Brandon Drury to step right into that role as my new arch nemesis and what makes it more personal is that he’s been in the Yankees clubhouse. He knows where the bodies are buried. He’s been a spy hiding right in plain sight.

Lester vs. Brandon Drury: Coming Soon.



Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Brandon Drury was born to be a shitty Blue Jay. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

Leave a Reply

larry nassar

If You’re Having a Bad Day Here is Some Good News: Larry Nassar Got His Ass Beat in Prison

jeff wilpon

New York Mets Front Office Openly Admits That They Are Lining Their Pockets With All of Their Injured Players Insurance Money and Not Reinvesting It Back Into The Team